The Occasional Rant: Swedes Pwned; Brit in Shit; The Perfect US President; Rah, Rah, Vlad Putin

This is only a test.

The following items will get the Jacques treatment...

1. Canucks dine on Swedish Meatballs in Prague. While browsing/wandering aimlessly in Mic-Mac Mall looking for something - anything - for my crib, I saw my fellow countrymen teach some Nordic youngsters on how we practice our religion. This may look like any other game played at an arena, on a frozen pond or a closed of section of roadway, but in Canada, the future of hockey always lie in our youngest players, and like they did for the past 3 years, the players delivered in OT, just as I stumbled into the Source store by Zellers - next door to the Payless shoe store. It was, without a doubt, the best 45 seconds of my life. Then I went to Winners to look at some coats.
   
   
2. Call her Brittle. Oh, what the hell... the last time I commented on Britney Spears, she was justifying her love on Justin Timberlake (always that Bastard Fuck, style mastery and apparent talent notwithstanding). Call me pervish, but I've always had a - er - soft spot for her Britness, the way she transcended her Whorish Virgin image to wade into the unforgiving, mutilating waters of adulthood. Fast forward to now, the PR halls of mirrors shattered into a million shards as confused babies get repossesed because the former Mrs. Federline lost it.
   The lazy wags, the sofa-king disingenious dishers of celebrity pornography are dining on the scraps, the feast piled even higher with the revelation that her sister Jamie Lynn had found herself in the family way. And right now, I find myself saying, "These girls are cursed."
   Somewhere in Cyberspace, there is a dead pool on the go...
   
   
3. President Who? Somewhere in the Blogosphere, the Partisan Hater Players are revving up their engines, pounding their chests and testing the Kool-Aid as the candidates in the upcoming US presidential primaries rework their speeches, work the crowds then rework their speeches a few more times before reworking the crowds a few more times for good measure.
   Don't get me wrong - I have no love for the Demonic Rats who seem to be stuck in their desire to either bring back, reinvent or even rename the Clinton Camelot (which wasn't too bad as long as you didn't get nauseous from the endless feel-good spinning), but for a potential Donkey Prez, I'd have to go for Hilary, mainly because she is the Devil I know. Whitewater? So what - it's mostly TP rather than OP. Lewinsky? Bad waste of a Cuban cigar and one hell of a dry-cleaning bill. But she did her work alongside Bill, and she does seem to know Canada well enough. Barack Obama, OTOH, does have youth, ideals and looks good enough for an appearance or two on Soul Train, but being well learn-ed via extensive homework without the gruntwork does not a good prez hopeful make. As the saying goes, old age and treachery will triumph over youth and beauty. 4 more years and maybe Barack will become a worthy opponent.
   The Republicans have Mike Huckabee, who unlike NY-based Hillary has some serious AK credentials. Aside from that fact, I have no other idea about where he stands. I prefer the once and future Mayor of NY Rudy Giuliani who had rallied together NY-ers and humans everywhere in the wake of 9/11. I'll forgive the Pachydermal prez hopefuls for their critique of our übersacrosanct Health Care - at least it keeps up from dying, eh? But how can anyone in the Red Party convince Amurricans who are growing steadily tired of the endless Iraqi tape -loop that it can lead the country into the deeper, darker heart of the 3^rd millenium? Rudy oughta do that - he should steal a few pages from Barack's song book. But, given my ignorance of the current US dog-and-pony show, I think that the best choice for prez is this man...
   He has the folksiness of a Fred Thompson, the quiet charisma of a Rudy Giuliani, the religious stability of a Mitt Romney, the youthful potential of a Barack Obama and the woman's touch of a Hillary Clinton.
   Sadly, he's already been taken. Good luck, neighbours.
   
   
4. Hot, steamy Putin. I just bought Time's Man of the Year edition.
   The one with the face of a Kremlin zombie.
   Vlad Putin. Man of the Year.
   Like... fuck off.
   He may have changed the face of Russia. The problem is that Russia should never be confused with a pluralistic, democratic nation.
   There is actually a name for a man who used to be a KGB agent back in the days of the Sovietsky Soyuz.
   It's called Communist. Look it up.

And so... there you go.