Chick-flick Springer

For those who think that Jerry is a little too hardcore, there's always Mr. Maury Povich. He's your touchy, feely, nurturing kind of guy who seems concerned about all those single mothers trying to find their babies' daddies.

Awwww...

Then Maury would drag their sorry punk asses out onto the stage. Never mind that most of them look like gangbangers, failed MC's or flaming Metrosexuals with an over-inflated self esteem issue. And what was the mommy on when she had the child conceived? How could she not really know who the child's father is? And why does it have to take Maury to get a paternity test done on those punks? And why does it take so fucking long to get it done? And why are there no honky, middle-class WASPS on any of his shows? Don't they get same problems like these sad-assed welfare cases, or are they too good or less entertaining for that kind of stuff?

Never mind that in the end, those punk-asses who were found not to be daddies of said abandoned babies go "Boo-Yaka Sha!" while the poor suckers who were real daddies go weepy eyed and make up with their abandoned sex-partners.

Awwww...

But not only does Maury look after single mommies, he also takes care of all these out-of-control teen girls who dress like prostitutes. Oh no... we're not talking about 16 or 18-year olds: we're dealing with 12-to-14-year olds. Watch their mommies cry about why or where they went wrong in raising their brats. Watch Maury try to deal with them. Never mind that virtually none of them come from well-to-do families - they all seem a bit ghetto-ey. Then watch the brats get shipped off to boot camp where - miraculously enough - they transformed from juvenile delinquents to role models for America's youth almost overnight. Thank you, Maury!

Awwww...

As an added bonus, Maury puts his caring ways to work when he invites a whole slew of bikini babes onto his show. Nothing wrong there, except that some of these babes may be - horror of horrors - MEN! See the studio audience go apeshit over determining which one's a dude and which one's a dame. Then see the reaction on their faces when the true gender gets revealed.


PUKE...

So, if you can't handle Springer, you won't be sorry when you tune in to Maury.

Awwww....

Now: back to our lives.