Sunday, May 15, 2005

Ketchup - Sunday, 15 May 2005

Well, it's been awhile since I've done some creative mayhem. So let's do a little catch-up on some items that have transpired over the past few weeks...

Britney Inna Family Way. Shock. Horror. The kid has grown up and now has a bun in the oven.

All those men in trenchcoats who pulled for a piece of Britney Pie back in the late 90s are currently in a state of terminal mourning. Get over it, you losers. She's an adult now. Get it?

Commemorating The End Of A Nightmare. It was 60 years ago when the Allies (mostly Anglo-Saxon Protestant nations, FYI) forced Nazi Germany to its knees. Millions dead. Generations decimated. Economies ruined. And an entire people almost virtually erased from existence.

And yet, there still were the Imperial Japanese forces to deal with on the bloddy morning-after.

For us Canadians, we had punched well above our weight, fighting the Battles of the North Atlantic and the Saint Lawrence, taking a risk and nearly losing it all at Dieppe, clawed our way up Italy, seized the shores of Normandy, wreaking havoc on enemy industries from the skies and liberating the Netherlands.

Yet our most grateful, honest and gracious Prime Minister decided to honour the men who had put their necks out for generations to come ONE DAY TOO FUCKING LATE because of some, umm, political matters.

All because Little Paulyanna loves being Prime Minister. Just because.

But to all the men who were there, wherever they may be, we should always be grateful.

Hopefully, there should never be a war like that again. But you may never know.

And if that were to happen, would we Canadians still be able to rise to the challenge?

Would we be able to protect our friends and allies in times of need? Would we be able to take the lead than slavishly wait for permission to do so? One would only hope.

This Year's "Trailer Park" Theme. In a previous post, I mentioned that each season of the Trailer Park Boys centred on a certain theme. After a couple of episodes, I have found a name for it...

Season 5: "It's A Shame About Ray".

FTWK - Ricky's dad, Ray (played by series producer Barrie Dunn) has recently been caught up in a cycle of alcohol and VLT (that's "video lottery terminal") dependacy. Through some good luck, Ray managed to buy his lot and trailer, but recently has fallen on hard times with a rash of losses at the terminals. On top af that, through Ricky's carelessness, his trailer burnt down and for a while Bubbles took the blame.

Fortunately, the brain-trust of Julian, Ricky and Bubbles had scored over a 100 keys of hash from a pair of bumbling brothers and their longtime adversary, Cyrus, and have hidden the stash in Ray's "driveway". If they succeed, not only would their lives improve, but Ray would be bailed out once and for all.

But since this is Sunnyvale, and since we're dealing with a trio of wily hosers going up against uptight Mr. Lahey (played to perfection by the Voice of Nova Scotia, John
Dunsworth), anything could happen. After all, someone goes to jail every season finale. Will the Boys go back to Van Allen? Will Lahey lose his mind again? Will Ray's scams finally catch up with him? Will Randy finally put on a shirt? Stay tuned.

The Whole World Is Going To Sith! I just can't wait to see "Revenge of the Sith" as soon as it comes out in theatres Thursday.

But why the rush - there are books and products galore released way ahead of the film that virtually give away the story. And everyone involved with SW III are in full shill mode.

Seems that in light of the past two SW episodes ("The Phantom Menace" and "Attack of the Clones"), they want to make sure that Episode III doesn't suffer the same fate and wrath of critics and fans alike.

I mean, Jar-Jar Binks, for fuck sakes. How do Rastafarians figure in this story?

Still, I'd love to see how Anakin Skywalker made the transition to the Dark Side and how he wound up with the voice of James Earl Jones ("This - is CNN"). It will be very interesting to say the least.

That's why I'm going to read the book first.

A Taste of Third World Politics. Why go to some malaria infested Banana Republic when you can come up to Canada and experience stories of rampant patronage, vote buying and money laundering, courtesy of the eternal Liberal Party.

Forget Uzbekistan. Too backward and Islamic.

Forget Kazakhstan. A little too unstable.

Zimbabwe? White or black, no-one ain't too safe from Mugabe's goons.

Over in Canada, an unlikely alliance of the Conservatives and the separatist Bloc Qu├ębecois have stalled Parliament for almost three days in a row, in spite of Jack Layon's NDP propping up Little Paulyanna's Big Red Ruling Machine. Pundits are predicting the early collapse of the Liberal government. However, Martin the Martian had produced a few tricks from up his sleeve - various monies for infrastructure, a fast-track for a sex-offender registry, various pork-barrel projects to the traditional strongholds, etc.

If the gambit is successful, than the Liberals might have a good chance at winning the next election. We Canadians are so brainwashed after successive regimes that the slightest doomsday rumour about Stephen Harper's Conservatives would be considered a death blow for the Opposition. It exists in most sections of our MSM, where perks for supporters are abound. And the traditional strongholds of Ontario and the Maritimes have been beneficiaries of Liberal government largesse (read: bribes), so change may not be too good.

It reminds me of the period just after the collapse of the Soviet Union, when gangsters and Brezhnev-era cronies were creating mess and mayhem with the economy that older citizens wanted a return to to Communism. (Sadly - if you could read between the lines in recent new stories, Vladimir Putin is re-Sovietizing Russia. Just have a look for yourself.) Canadians have the same kind of mentality - "Sure, our government sucks, but we live much better than the Yanks, eh?" This type of thinking should cease as the Gomery Inquiry proceeds and reveals more of the depth of Federal Liberal corruption and opportunism.

Yet, Little Paulyanna has an opportunity to show leadership and discipline during this crisis, but NOOOOOO! He hides and cowards from all criticism. He should learn from all the great leaders that he seems to try to emulate: Mugabe, Ceausescu, Idi Amin, Castro, Kim Jong-il, Ferdinand Marcos, Joseph Estrada...

Did I forget to mention that Little Paulyanna loves being Prime Minister? Just because.

Finally... deep down inside, we are all British Israelists.

Admit it. There's no shame to being one. There's only shame in denial.

Jacques Out!

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