Midweek Mental Meltdown:Belinda Bop, SOAD Sells A Load, Svengali Abuse...And A Few Other Things

Rather than ramble on about the state of AdScam or something that would require more thought and research, I might as well let loose on a couple of well deserved rants of the top of my head...

1. BS BJs PM? The way the former Tory Barbie Girl was wooed from the clutches of the evil Stephen Harper and her mark fuck-toy boyfriend Peter McKay with a candlight dinner at 24 Sussex, I suspect that the PM might be doing a little BS on the side. Could it be? Naaahhh...


2. System Of A Winfall. Those LA whackoes System Of A Down have scored a jackpot with their latest offering "Mezmerize" by letting it hit the top of the charts in Canada and the US.
   Don't get me wrong - I never agreed with their politics, but once you get a taste of "Cigaro", "This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I'm On This Song" and "Old School Hollywood", you'd want to switch sides long enough to get this fix.
   If I were you, I'd wait until they release "Hypnotize" in the fall, though. Until then, you can always do the P2P thing and... uh... you know. Since this release only has 11 songs of standard radio-friendly length, you might as well save that kind of dough to get...


3. Ben Folds: "Songs For Silverman". Admit it... deep down inside, you are a Ben Folds fan. Search your feelings even deeper and you'd discover all the adult existential angst that provides the fodder to this latest collection of piano-based tunage. If you think that Keane's a bit too soothing for your tastes, then Ben has the opposite. He has revived the piano-drums-bass format in this outing. Starting with "Bastard", climaxing with the single "Landed" and then slowly coasting to the pathos of "Prison Food", Folds and Co. fail to disappoint. So buy this album. Or better yet, get the "Dualdisk" version - CD on one side; full-blown DVD with goodies on the other. A great investment for your collection.
   Of course, you can skip "Songs For Silverman" in favour of...


4. Aimee Mann: "The Forgotten Arm". First off, why is this lady being ignored by radio? Is it because she came from the 80s? Did she use too may "real" musical instruments? Or is it because on this album, she's a bit too straightforward about despair and redemption? I have a hunch that this will be Avril Lavigne in 15 years, when she will have shed her sk8r ponk pose in favour of emotion and soul. A must have. Aimee: if you're reading this, please come to Halifax. Pretty please?


5. A Svengali's Worst Nightmare Come True. For years, Guy Cloutier has been a fixture in Québec's pop culture scene, discovering and managing stars, producing tv shows and promoting live events. Life was good for Monsieur Cloutier.
   Until one day...
   Now he's serving a prison sentence for molesting a couple of youngsters that he was grooming for stardom.
   One would think that this whole affair would be done like poutine, but one star has come out against this sad-sack Svengali.
   Nathalie Simard is the sister of one of Cloutier's earlier discoveries, René Simard, who once was touted as la belle province's answer to Donny Osmond. To make a long story short, she, with her attorney, have asked the judge in the case to ease part of a publication ban so she could come to terms with her own sexual abuse at Cloutier's hands. Not surprisingly, she's also seeking damages.
   For all parents out there, consider this a precautionary tale: if your kid has a talent that would knock virtually everyone on their collective arse, would you trust that child to anyone who'd promise the universe? Would you trust that person to begin with?
   Methinks that Cloutier is gonna be bien fourré in the end. Stay tuned.


6. Let's Invade Them Before They Invade Us! Obviously, someone down there is still blaming Canada for his own (preventable) sexual dysfunction.
   Thus, that certain person decided to make a site extolling the virtues of "Manifest Destiny" in this day and age, blah blah blah...
   It's very obvious the guy needs some serious help when he publishes "jokes" such as this one...
   

   There once was an Ontarian who's life long dream it was to be a Newfie. One day the man finally saw his doctor about it. The doctor examined him and gave him the prognosis, "Well, if you really want to be a Newfie there is a surgery I can perform, but I have to remove 1/3 of your brain." The Ontarian was so excited, he agreed to do it right away.
   
   During the surgery however, the doctor's hand slipped. The doctor was so upset that he sat next to the man in the recovery room until he woke up. Finally the Ontarian woke up. The doctor immediately explain what happened, and told the Ontarian, "I am so sorry sir, my hand slipped during the surgery and I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain instead of 1/3."
   
   The Ontarian looked confused and replied "Que ce que vous disez, monsieur?"
   

   Somebody, check into this, eh?

There. I'm done for now. Get on with your lives.