Saturday, January 26, 2008

Big Ups - Oh, My Gaahl; ANVIL PWNS!

Is Gaahl from Gorgoroth the Britney of Death Metal?

I've stumbled upon this nugget on VBS just by accident.

By the time I've gotten around to seeing the whole show, I'm quite convinced that Gaahl has some pretty serious issues. But it's not up to me to make the ultimate call.

Check this out...

At long last, some love for Anvil.

Major love.

As in... "It's about muthafuckkin time" love.

From the site...

Anvil! The Story Of Anvil is the name of the documentary on ANVIL directed by Sacha Gervasi, who wrote the Steven Spielberg movie, The Terminal. It will be premiered at the Sundance Film Festival which runs January 17-27, 2008. Sacha is an old friend of the band's that used to do some roadie work for them back in the 1980's. The website for the film is

I'm-a seeing this. You should too. If you think Metallica© is the shit, think again. Without Anvil, they would still be touring dives to this day.

Big Ups.

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Occasional Rant: Dead Celebs; Vista is Satan; PC-hostile CDs; Stéphane Dion Might Be Right After All; And Then Some...

Hey, les Gang! Life as a wage slave may suck, but at least there's time for some more bitching and scratching.

So here we go...

  1. Heath Ledger. Brad Renfro. RIP. Could it be the alignment of planets? Could it be that the death-watch focus on Britney, Lindsay and Amy have failed these 2 tortured souls in an industry where looks and performance intertwine? Has Western-civilised society in general become so shallow that the pain and struggle experienced by the famous few get scrutinised under the paparazzi microscope while the common, obscure majority dealing with the same issues get ignored, mocked and even exiled to wallow in their own private hells?

    It makes a sane person mad with the desire to kill Dr. Phil, the fake, phony, trivialising bastard-fuck of a charlatan who tried to make Britney his personal experiment, but failed. Where was he when Brad had his demons? Where was he when Heath had to deal with being the Joker for the Dark Knight? Does he care for all of the tortured people, or is he content being Oprah's lap-dog?

    I know pain, pressure, desperation. These guys deserved better. Love and respect to those who do.

  2. Vista: Bill Gates's "Fuck You" to PC owners? Hands up all those who still chafe under the yoke of Windows Vista.

    Here's the story so far... I got myself a nice little HP laptop preloaded with the infamous OS, loaded up on my favourite games while being challenged every time by its built-in sentry, blah blah blah. In spite of it all, things started getting copacetic. Right?

    Well, on Tuesday I booted up the laptop, clicked on the IE button and got a nice little F-You from the system. Just when it was trying to load the Yahoo!© homepage, the damn browser went tits-up on me. Windows stepped in to shut it down with a couple of killer pop-ups of its own, then after I clicked on the "Close Program" button, a balloon appeared on the lower right-hand corner of the screen saying that an app called "Data Execution Prevention" kept the browser from running and ruining the Vista Utopia.

    Somehow, the OS assumed that IE would crash and burn and that the entire system would scream blue screen. But I led me to think that of all the OSes I've tried, Vista was one of the worst.

    In fact, the only (relatively) robust OS I've ever experienced was IBM's late, lamented OS/2 Warp 4. I worked with it during my time at BMO and it rarely gave any grief, especially while monitoring the bank's vast array of branch nodes and ABMs.

    A year-and-a-half later, BMO installed Windows NT, and all hell broke loose.

    For a corporation with a virtual monopoly on PC OSes, they should've done their homework before ditching XP in favour of an Apple-lite wannabe. Maybe I should've bought a Mac instead.

  3. Can someone help me with these CDs?

    I've tried ripping these CDs for my "jukebox":

    Nelly Furtado - Folklore (crashed WMP, CD-DA)
    Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake - It's Morning (crashed CD-DA, unreadable by WMP)
    The Mars Volta - Deloused in the Comatorium (Track 10: "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt" - crashed both CD-DA and WMP)

    IMO, Furtado's "Folkore" was a great release, but when I tried to even play the CD, the laptop went "F-U" on me. Same thing with the Bright Eyes disc. Connor Oberst is without a doubt a true fuckin' pop music genius - next to Tom Waits, Richard Thompson, Ben Folds... But was it his idea to make "Wide Awake" so cyber-hostile - the entire OS went Jihadi on me when I popped it in. Like, WTF dude? The Volta's "Comatorium" equals anything put out by At The Drive In in terms of intensity and lyricism, but the last track was a whore, eventually forcing both rippers to yell "Kamerad!" before expiring.

    If anyone has similar ripping war-stories, et al, let me know. If you know a cure, e-mail me. Please. Like, right freakin' now. 'kay?

  4. Stéphane Sticks It to the Man. It's a lot better when read out loud.

    He who is not Céline recently made a comment that, surprisingly, made a lot of sense.

    And so said Stéphane the man...

    "We are going to have to discuss that very actively if they (the Pakistanis) are not able to deal with it on their own. We could consider that option with the NATO forces in order to help Pakistan help us pacify Afghanistan," said Mr. Dion in Quebec City, commenting after his two-day trip to Afghanistan last weekend. "As long as we don't solve the problem in Pakistan, I don't see how we can solve it in Afghanistan."

    The Liberal leader explained that Afghan officials told him they know where the extremist strongholds are in Pakistan. But he said the Afghans don't take action.

    "One day, we are going to have to act because our soldiers are cleaning out some areas, but in fact very often they are only clean in principle. The insurgents go take refuge in Pakistan and they are going to come back (to Afghanistan) at the earliest opportunity. This could last very long if we don't tackle the problems that often originate from Pakistan," Mr. Dion said.

    Defence Minister Peter MacKay told Canwest News Service Dion's comments were off base.

    "Mr. Dion can't be serious to suggest NATO "intervene," in another country while simultaneously saying Canada should abandon its United Nations-mandated NATO mission in Afghanistan," he said in an e-mail.

    "He has to explain to Canadians why he wants an "intervention" but wants to turn his back on Afghanistan, which has asked and continues to ask for Canada's help. It's inane."
    With all due blah blah blah... most of what Monsieur Dion said made a lot of sense - Taliban come in, leave IED, fuck-off to the other side. If the Pakistanis have trouble teaching the Taliban manners, why couldn't we help these "brothers" out?

    Don't forget: Pakistan, like all the other 'stans, is Islamic. Period. And to many, if not most in that land, the Taliban are brothers. To date, 78 of my brothers and sisters have gone to a better life thanks to these Jihadis, and Musharraf doesn't seem to be doing enough to rein in these murderers who have also sent innocent Muslim civilians to paradise.

    Right about now, the 78 Canucks, including Sapper Gonthier, are each probably enjoying 70 virgins and endless showings of classic NHL - the ones with the Rocket and Bill Barilko. After all, they too are Allah's children, aren't they?

  5. Gauging the Rage About Page. (And why I'm being very cautious about what I really want to say without hurting too many feelings.)

    Think of this as a bookend.

    Ellen Page is without a doubt one of Hali's best exports next to Keith's, Sloan, April Wine and (even though they're from Cole Harbour, but who cares?) the Trailer Park Boys.

    Now, I admit to seeing Ellen a few years ago passing through along Young St. once in a while - she attended the Shambhala school which is located not too far from CFB Stadacona. Didn't know or care who she was. She was just another face. But thanks to a few choice roles in some movies ("Hard Candy", "The Tracy Fragments", "Mouth to Mouth", "Juno"), she has gotten more than a foot in the door - she's now in the house.

    I also have to mention the fact that she did appear in Season 2 of Trailer Park Boys as Treena Lahey, the sensible offspring of the oft incoherent park super Jim Lahey (played by the inimitable John Dunsworth).

    Everyone is talking about "our Ellen" being in the running for the Oscar. I hate to say this, but she's got herself some pretty stiff competition - and that's not just the Torontonian in me saying this: I'm being a bit realistic. Cate Blanchett, Julie Christie (remember "The Demon Seed"? Wicked-ass flick.), Marion Cotillard (c'est qui?) and Laura Linney all want a piece of that action.

    I'd love to see Ellen win one, not only for Hali but for all of the Great White North. But truthfully, the golden doorstop has a tendency to go to the classic (Julie Christie has been around since I was half Ellen's age), the pretentious (Cotillard, who won the Golden Globe for Best Actress, played Édith Piaf in the sprawling "La vie en rose") or the all-American. Also, I haven't really experienced too many dark-horse wins, let alone wins by newbie talent.

    Ellen, with all due respect since she might be reading this, is a newbie talent compared to the competition. I'm saying that this is not her time. I'd give her 2 more years, more mature roles and storylines, and maybe an appearance on "Red Eye", then she will have enough cred to bring home the hardware.

    After all, where the hell is JK Simmons, the man who played Juno's dad? Why did he not get a nod?

    Of course, I may be proven wrong. Ellen is talented. And if you take her Canuck career, she does have milage via tv and indie productions. So maybe the Oscar would be considered the icing on the cake.

    For now - I'm picking Julie Christie. Better luck next year, Treena Lahey.
And so... there you go.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Unknown Good Stuff In '06 and '07:
How I Lived to be 44 So Far

In spite of what I had to go through these years, I feel a little more empowered and free.

No more would I need an excuse to get hammered on my spare time, nor find myself broke for any other reason than having to pay rent, groceries and utilities.

(Okay... I did have to get games for the Playstation, but that's another story.)

I could finally fit into my jeans. After spending so much time struggling to fit 38 inches into a 32-inch pair of dungarees, I had to tighten my belt quite a bit.

Poverty and starvation can do that. Trust me.

All kidding aside, I am in process of releasing all these years of anger and self-loathing that ironically have driven my previous endeavours, both legit and illicit.

The funny thing about creativity and maintaining muses is that there has to be something that nourishes the process and perpetuates the momentum. Sometimes, the spark would come from a single, repetitive act, an occurring ritual that would define a person's head space. Sometimes, there would be a chemically induced revelation, an alcoholic epiphany, a hallucinogenic awakening that would give birth to a song, a drawing, a rant on a blog.

As you can see, all my writings were done under some kind of influence. And sometimes, like DUI, there would be a little collateral damage.

Have my Muses abandoned me? Has the Fire been squelched? HELL NO!

I believe that through adversity and bullshit, I've become, if not stronger, at least more at peace, more considerate, maybe even more aware of what's around me.

Yes... there will be haters everywhere who will think that once you've got the Disease, you're lost forever. I don't subscribe to the Darwinist fascism of immediate disposability (except for some extreme circumstances). The Disease always has a source, and within that source lies the cure.

Yes, I was, I am, and I will always be an addict. Once you get a taste, the taste will linger as long as you're above ground. For every rush, there will always be the crash, and most true addicts would dwell on the former than contemplate the latter. With sobriety, though, there's no difference between the two - both have equal weight and are necessary to maintain balance and order.

I'll still love and hate as usual, except that my targets will be attainable. I realise that I can't change the world as much as I like - I have enough problem changing myself as it is right now. As for the bridges that I have burned behind me in my years as an addict, leave them be - God will sort out the rest.

In other words, I am still Jacques. Nothing more. Nothing less. And there's still work to be done.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Jamie Lynn Gets Jumped By Stalkerazzis

Jamie Lynn "Not Britney" Spears speaks out about her pregnancy.

Needless to say: no comment.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The Occasional Rant: Swedes Pwned; Brit in Shit; The Perfect US President; Rah, Rah, Vlad Putin

This is only a test.

The following items will get the Jacques treatment...

  1. Canucks dine on Swedish Meatballs in Prague. While browsing/wandering aimlessly in Mic-Mac Mall looking for something - anything - for my crib, I saw my fellow countrymen teach some Nordic youngsters on how we practice our religion. This may look like any other game played at an arena, on a frozen pond or a closed of section of roadway, but in Canada, the future of hockey always lie in our youngest players, and like they did for the past 3 years, the players delivered in OT, just as I stumbled into the Source store by Zellers - next door to the Payless shoe store. It was, without a doubt, the best 45 seconds of my life. Then I went to Winners to look at some coats.

  2. Call her Brittle. Oh, what the hell... the last time I commented on Britney Spears, she was justifying her love on Justin Timberlake (always that Bastard Fuck, style mastery and apparent talent notwithstanding). Call me pervish, but I've always had a - er - soft spot for her Britness, the way she transcended her Whorish Virgin image to wade into the unforgiving, mutilating waters of adulthood. Fast forward to now, the PR halls of mirrors shattered into a million shards as confused babies get repossesed because the former Mrs. Federline lost it.
    The lazy wags, the sofa-king disingenious dishers of celebrity pornography are dining on the scraps, the feast piled even higher with the revelation that her sister Jamie Lynn had found herself in the family way. And right now, I find myself saying, "These girls are cursed."
    Somewhere in Cyberspace, there is a dead pool on the go...

  3. President Who? Somewhere in the Blogosphere, the Partisan Hater Players are revving up their engines, pounding their chests and testing the Kool-Aid as the candidates in the upcoming US presidential primaries rework their speeches, work the crowds then rework their speeches a few more times before reworking the crowds a few more times for good measure.
    Don't get me wrong - I have no love for the Demonic Rats who seem to be stuck in their desire to either bring back, reinvent or even rename the Clinton Camelot (which wasn't too bad as long as you didn't get nauseous from the endless feel-good spinning), but for a potential Donkey Prez, I'd have to go for Hilary, mainly because she is the Devil I know. Whitewater? So what - it's mostly TP rather than OP. Lewinsky? Bad waste of a Cuban cigar and one hell of a dry-cleaning bill. But she did her work alongside Bill, and she does seem to know Canada well enough. Barack Obama, OTOH, does have youth, ideals and looks good enough for an appearance or two on Soul Train, but being well learn-ed via extensive homework without the gruntwork does not a good prez hopeful make. As the saying goes, old age and treachery will triumph over youth and beauty. 4 more years and maybe Barack will become a worthy opponent.
    The Republicans have Mike Huckabee, who unlike NY-based Hillary has some serious AK credentials. Aside from that fact, I have no other idea about where he stands. I prefer the once and future Mayor of NY Rudy Giuliani who had rallied together NY-ers and humans everywhere in the wake of 9/11. I'll forgive the Pachydermal prez hopefuls for their critique of our übersacrosanct Health Care - at least it keeps up from dying, eh? But how can anyone in the Red Party convince Amurricans who are growing steadily tired of the endless Iraqi tape -loop that it can lead the country into the deeper, darker heart of the 3rd millenium? Rudy oughta do that - he should steal a few pages from Barack's song book. But, given my ignorance of the current US dog-and-pony show, I think that the best choice for prez is this man...
    He has the folksiness of a Fred Thompson, the quiet charisma of a Rudy Giuliani, the religious stability of a Mitt Romney, the youthful potential of a Barack Obama and the woman's touch of a Hillary Clinton.
    Sadly, he's already been taken. Good luck, neighbours.

  4. Hot, steamy Putin. I just bought Time's Man of the Year edition.
    The one with the face of a Kremlin zombie.
    Vlad Putin. Man of the Year.
    Like... fuck off.
    He may have changed the face of Russia. The problem is that Russia should never be confused with a pluralistic, democratic nation.
    There is actually a name for a man who used to be a KGB agent back in the days of the Sovietsky Soyuz.
    It's called Communist. Look it up.

And so... there you go.