The Occasional Rant: As True As It Is Now As It Was Then

Over 2 years ago I posted this ranting on a CBC forum. I believe that it still makes a lot of sense.

So here we go...

On any given day, you can ask any Canadian celebrity on what Canada and being Canadian means. Almost all of them were reading from the same book of peace, love, diversity and socialized medicare.

But all of them miss the point.

This country started out as a cash cow for the ancient tribal empires until more people moved in and slowly displaced the First Nations who were there since Day One.

We did have a bloody history. We had slavery. We had our spats with the ingrates to the South. Had we been more tenacious, the Alamo would be flying the Maple Leaf (or maybe the Fleur-de-lys).

But we prefer our wide open spaces, the freedom to roam and the ability to invent - and re-invent - ourselves.

Sadly, I would hear people take pride in what we're not, as in "We're not as cold-hearted as Americans" or "We have a better health system, not like the Americans". Because for the most part, we have descended from Americans - United Empire Loyalists who believed that Mad King George had the better idea than George Washington or Ben Franklin.

But let's not nitpick over technicalities. Canada is still a young nation... in fact, more of a concept rather than a nation. Canadian is a state of mind, rather than a nationality. The land, like its contemporary society, is a mosaic. Each province and territory is a nation in its own right. We work, create, procreate and sometimes deviate in our own way.

But most of all, we live.

We are humans living in a land that that was cultivated by the First Peoples and bound by Celtic ferocity and tenacity, Gallic pride and joie-de-vivre, Anglo-Saxon resolve and good old American know-how.

Collectively, we can be the mouse that roars, the gentle giant, the silent beacon of hope.

Yet we are not perfect. Our medicare costs money. Some people carry ancient grudges and use our freedom to stoke their fires. And our politicians try to be everything to everyone, satisfying no-one.

But as long as the human species remains flawed and the polar icecaps keep melting, I am and shall always be a Canadian.

I'd like to hear one of our celebrities come up with something better.

Even to this day, I never hyphenate myself: there's no point or logic to hyphenation. A man is either this or that, black or white, alive or dead.

In the end, being a Canadian means simply being, in the here-and-now, in Canada.

Happy Canada Day, Romantic Haters.

The Occasional Rant: D'yalls Miss Me?

Big ups, y'alls!

Sure... I've been lying low with life, work, taxes, bills and the like.

And sadly enough, I've haven't been writing and filming too much these days.

It's either spring fever or swine flu. Given the fact that I'm immunized for neither one, it's a tough call, eh?

But here goes what anything goes in this mess of a world...

1. You wouldn't wish THAT on your worst enemy, unless that enemy was a meth fiend.
   
   Back in the day, Henry Lee Summer had this hit called "I Wish I Had a Girl (Who Walked Like That)" that was played incessantly in bars and on rock radio.
   
   I thought that he would be a flash in the pan, a one-trick one-hit wonder.
   
   I didn't expect this to happen to him, though.
   
   I never liked his music anyway, but this is pretty damn sad. He had a promising career, money, fame, limoes and all the booze his liver could handle.
   
   But as one addict pointed out to me a few years ago in Victoria, BC, "Blow may be bad, but crystal is a whore."
   
   I hope Henry Lee can pick up the pieces, quickly enough. Compared to the crap currently heard on "hit" radio, his one-hit had class.
   
   Consider this as a wake-up call for all the one-hit ponies who believe in their own invincibility - you are NEVER invincible; you are NEVER untouchable; you are NEVER immune to addiction.
   
   Moving right along...
   
   
2. Swine Flu Apocalypse! Head to the hills: the Day of Judgment is nigh!
   
   Simple rules.
   
   Wash hands.
   Cook food.
   Stay home, take fluids if sick.
   See doctor.
   Repeat.
   
   In the end, it will all pass.
   
   
3. Windows 7: what Vista should have been.
   (And why you should AND shouldn't download the Release Candidate.)
   
   For the past 4 months I've been beta-testing Windows 7 and at this point I'm resigned to the fact that this is a better Windows operating system than the overworked, overburdened Vista platform.
   
   It does have the flash of Vista, but it doesn't tax your system, especially after you sign in and realize that the damn thing is still loading apps left, right and centre.
   
   In fact, when I received the email from MS announcing the release of the Win 7 RC, I was more than willing to replace my Vista Basic (a better version than the bloated Home "Premium" edition, in my opinion).
   
   But here's the dilemma - I'm running a dual-core Celeron with 2 Gigs of RAM and an overclocked GeForce 9600 video card. I have partitioned the 320-Gig internal drive 3-ways: one for Vista (loaded on someone else's XP installation - long story); one for Win 7 Beta (Release 7000); one for programs and games. I've downloaded the 32-bit version of the RC and burned it onto a DVD. This one would take up 16 Gigs of space, making it almost a full OS release in its own right.
   
   I'd really love to do the whole makeover of my system, creating a mini Win 7 powerhouse, except for the fact that I will have to do it without a net, since unlike the Beta, there will be virtually no support. This means that a) I would be taking a great leap of faith on something that is actually the Son of Vista©; and b) if this blows up, I'd be screwed!
   
   My suggestion for all you who are considering taking similar leaps of faith is this: think very carefully. And as soon as you are ready to let the RC take over, pray. A lot. Often.
   
   Because, for every promise, there shall always be a little disappointment, even if this version of the Win 7 may be the best thing since sliced bread or grocery-store roast chicken.
   
   So far, my Win 7 beta hasn't disappointed me.

And so... there you go. I'm off to bed.

I would've told Greg Gutfeld to SMMFD,but I decided to do this instead...

There are many ways to say "F--- You" to someone.

This is one of them.

Hello Greg, Bill, et al...

First off: I used to watch your show, which was in my opinion very funny. Of course, I couldn't afford to stay up late or take an hour off my life watching a group of talking heads carrying on like a booze-soaked house-party. But I digress.

You may not realise this, but Canada has roughly 1/10th the population of the United States, hence the relatively small military that you see today.

Previous Liberal governments made it even smaller and at this time the current Conservative government is struggling to rebuild it.

You probably didn't know that at one time, Canada had the 3rd largest navy during WW2. (ref: http://www.civilization.ca/cwm/explore/military-history-research-centre/democracy-at-war/canadawar/democracy-at-war-royal-canadian-navy-rcn-canada-and-the-war)

You probably didn't even know that Canadians had made sacrifices liberating Holland and holding back enemies during the Korean War. (ref: http://archives.cbc.ca/war_conflict/korean_war/topics/112)

Right about now, 116 of my brothers and sisters have given their lives in the name of freedom and social justice in Afghanistan. (ref: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2009/03/20/8829441-cp.html) At the same time, resources have been stretched due to low manpower, the cost of fuel and equipment - the same problems that plague any operational military force. Yet when the Federal government had asked all the other members of the coalition operating there to help out, they received little support. Thus you have our head of the Army, Gen. Leslie, telling one of your Senate subcommittees that our soldiers needed at least a little break from the war.

And let's not get started on the local rulers: each one has an agenda that more likely doesn't include liberal democracy.

I know that you were trying to make light of a situation by implying that the meanest sons-of-bitches were softies at heart. But you did it wrong, and the timing couldn't have been any worse.

(I doubt that you actually air this show live at 3 a.m. - if you had recorded it in the daytime before the 4 soldiers got killed, I forgive you. Once. Never again.)

I hope you appreciate the sacrifices we Canadians made for YOUR freedom.

Yes, our previous government policies and the demeanor of some of our more liberal citizens may make the French seem butch in comparison, but as someone who has served in the military, a sacrifice is never taken lightly. And as much as we love to joke with each other about our shortcomings and psychoses, there are time at which we have to step back, take a deep breath and stand down.

You may have realised that you have created a storm among those Canadians who stand by their troops and the cause. If you still have problems understanding this, why not spend a week with our brothers and sisters in Kandahar, working through diesel fumes and dust, going out on patrols not knowing if IEDs may be lurking in any given stretch of road and know what trouble we have to face in order to complete a mission.

And if you ask politely, we might get together and sing "Kumbaya" before retiring for the night.

Don't ever let it happen again.

Respect.

Jacques Dray
Dartmouth, NS, Canada

And you wonder why some conservatives hate Fox News?

Meh. NEXT...

Eventually, "reality"© shows will look like this...

...inside a swank Montreal restaurant-turned TV studio, 30 performers selected from bars across Quebec squared off head to head - and pole to pole - for provincial striptease supremacy...

Cue the music, the drama and catfights. Welcome to "Pole Position Quebec", where the winner will get to give it up for paying patrons south of the Can-US border. And giving them a little rise in an area south of their own respective borders.

My take on "reality"© programmes is quite simple: most of them are geared to appeal to the Schadenfreude that each of us harbour, whether they may be obsessive singing competitors, morbidly obese people, clueless trust-fund hussies or substance-fuelled skanks vying for the affections of faded Z-list musicians.

In short, "reality"© shows are legalised, above-ground ready-for-prime-time porn: sometimes titllating, sometimes repulsive yet ultimately addictive.

Could these shows collectively be the sign of the Apocalypse? While some shows like A&E's "Intervention" - a show to which I personally relate - and Animal Planet's "Crocodile Hunter" have a conderable amount of relevancy and educational content, the rest such as "The Bachelor", "Rock of Love" and even "American Idol" grate at the average person's basest intelligence.

The made-in-Québec special will pit the stripper-ellas of the belle province against each other in an effort to get a lucrative contract Stateside (and hopefully not to blow it all on meth).

Thankfully, this "reality"© special will be shown on pay-per-view here in Canada, but don't be surprised if some Stateside smartass comes up with an "American Pornstar" to rival the "Idol" franchise.

I sure can't wait for that. NEXT...

TRUDEAU - oops... OBAMA WINS!(G-d help us all - Barack included...)

Who thought they didn't see it coming?

When a candidate works hard to woo the middle, s/he would eventually be crowned.

Truth be told - everybody lost.

McCain lost because he refused to back up his policies with a sense of resolve and urgency. He never gotten around, let alone bothered, to explain why the policies proposed by Obama were doomed either to failure or to severe scrutiny. Nor did he ever explain why his policies were better and more cost-effective in the simplest, least technical, terms. He failed the middle.

Barack lost because right about now he'll have to fugure out how to pay for all the goodies promised to the electorate. Sure... he looks great in a suit. He talks smooth. Yet he is beholden to the ideals of the modern day Democratic Party and the new-age "Liberals" from which he draws his insprations. Now, he beholden to the masses who cast their votes for and against him. Worse, he will be forced to walk the tighrope above those ravenous for results in order for him to deliver the agenda that he worked so hard to sell. For a bill still to be compiled and calculated, he failed the middle.

It's too easy to blame the "mainstream" media for the good/bad/ugly/fugly that permeated the campaigns. Many saw Barack to be the "Funky President" envisioned by the Godfater of Soul himself. Yes, Virginia... there is a difference between being funky, getting funky and smelling funky. And the sheeple who come to the trough, eat it up and take the innuendoes as gospel may yet grow to appreciate it in due time. Even the tabloid came to the attack when Palin (Sarah, not Michael) came on the scene, creating an outburst of PMS (Palin Malignment Syndrome), exposing the slightest of gaffes and simplest of shortcomings.

To their credit, Palin should've stepped up to the plate with more than a heartbeat and a smile. Most Americans were asking "Where's the beef" and she should've delivered. Yet when she failed to do so to the masses' satisfaction, the "mainstream" press would crucify her. It's easy to praise an unproven Messiah than respect a wisened Maverick, while the Rolling Stone was quick to crown the upstart the same way that Napoleon was quick to crown himself. The "mainstream" failed the middle.

In the end, when the dust has settled, there will be work to be done. As soon as it's done, the costs will be tallied, the cheques will be written, and the man who would be king will have a lot on his plate to divvy amongst those to which he would have to delegate, some of who have created crises that the previous ruler had to resolve, sometimes with pleasant results, sometimes with hideous outcomes. Eventually, it will be the novice's turn to work with the leftovers to create somthing that may appear palatable, yet distubingly familiar.

If he were to succeed and make things right, the middle may have won.

If he were to fail and create more new crises, then it would not be him who failed the middle.

It would be the middle themselves.

A question to Canadians about Barack Obama

Please... feel free to comment.

I've already been told to suck a dig (an archaeologial dig?) on YouTube, but's that YouTube for you, eh?

Maybe you could put in your own 2-cents on the matter.

As usual... just wondering.

The Occasional Rant:Polite Country, Aren't We?

We're so polite no-one would ever think about messing with us, eh?

Otherwise, someone might wind up losing his head.

Literally.

By now, the whole world knows that Canada is a great country to live in.

A safe place full of peace loving peoples and knife wielding psychos.

Because where else can you feel safe riding a bus anywhere, let alone drive one in any given city?

Consider the fact that our crime rates are always falling.

Even the fictional Ministry of Truth in Orwell's "1984" (a very prophetic book, IMO) couldn't come up with anything sunnier than what StatsCan™ would cook up on any given day.

Yes, kids - this is shaping up to be one HELL of a summer here in the Great White North.

Thank fuck.

The Occasional Rant: Anything but THAT!

Dr. Henry Morgentaler may be an influential person.

He may have pushed the boundaries in the medical profession.

He may have given women the power to control their bodies and their lives.

He may have influenced changes in society and attitudes towards reproductive rights.

He may have succeeded in lifting the taboo off abortion.

But he does not, nor ever will, deserve the Order of Canada.

First... I don't mind a woman's right to choose. If she feels that she does not want this pregnancy, that all avenues that would help relieve her of the burden of raising a child have been exhausted, or that this pregnancy might endanger her life, then she is entitled to that right.

That being said, abortion is wrong. Period.

I'm not talking about the X-tian notion of the sanctity of life, although I do believe that life begins at conception. This isn't even about meddling with nature, although the concept of man playing God has irked me in more ways than one (see: bin Ladin, Hitler, Stalin, et al).

This is about dereliction of responsibility, the cheapening of morality and the abdication of accountability, and its effect on the collective mindset at the closing of the previous century.

If anyone had given any thought about their actions with regards to the sex act, if anyone were learned on the responsibilities involved, we wouldn't have to worry about abortions.

By carrying out the abortion, the woman who requested it has abdicated responsibility and accountability: it will always be "someone else's fault", "a mistake", "a decision that had to be made in one's own interests".

Just call me a pro-lifer for choice - abortion is wrong, plays God and messes with nature, but let the woman make the final call.

Dr. Morgentaler is not a villain. He is not a monster. He isn't even the Antichrist, let alone an anarchist. He is a doctor attending to a patient's needs.

But what has he done for all Canadians? What has he done for me?

Far from being humble, Dr. Morgentaler said this...

"I think it's a sign of recognition for all the work that I've done over the years and the sacrifices I've borne and the unjust sentence of imprisonment that I suffered," he said.

"I hope that Canada has set an example and that internationally, people in governments will respond to it."

Joyce Arthur of the Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada was just as modest...

"There's always going to be some division and controversy about him. Canada is the only democratic country in the world that has no law on abortion," she said.

"We set a good example for the rest of the world, and this Order of Canada further sets a good example because it sends a strong message that our society officially supports abortion rights and women's rights and we're not afraid to say it out loud."

Sadly, I don't see any point why Dr. Morgentaler should get this honour, at least at this time.

If this is Canada's way of saying that we are a progressive country, then something has gone FUBAR. The Order of Canada is not for Henry Morgentaler.

So there you go.

The Occasional Rant: The CBC fucks up... yet again!

May I have your attention, please?

For the past week, Canada's other anthem - one might even say that it's the most sacred Saturday night hymn - was at the centre of controversy.

The dispute centred on the theme song to the CBC's "Hockey Night in Canada" (a.k.a. "HNIC").

Ask any Canuck about HNIC and s/he will tell you that it's one of the best shows to watch on a Saturday night in wintertime, showcasing the good, bad and ugly of the best game you can name.

Considering that hockey is Canada's unofficial state religion, any tinkering with rules, uniforms and even rituals would be considered worse than blasphemous. Even radical Islamofascism has some boundaries - as long as you don't insult the Prophet (PBUH), they're cool. Mess with anything that has to do with hockey, and you'll have one big fat Canadian fatwah (and Don Cherry) on your sorry hairy arse.

I've grown to accept the HNIC theme as part of the landscape and that of the CBC, who insinuated itself into the Hoser psyche as the purveyor of the game on ice.

Sadly, the theme's composer wanted to get paid a little more because of its popularity.

Considering that we are the amongst most taxed people in the history of Western Civilisation©, we thought that the CBC, a Crown Corporation, would be able to settle this affair accordingly. Right?

Sadly, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation has long been a victim of its own paradigm paralysis - even though it sees itself as the protector of Canadian Culture™, the Powers That Be have no clue how to improve it's management and profitability. In its dispute with the composer's estate, it cried poverty. Towards the end of the week, the CBC decided to hold a competition on a possible replacement. Pathetic.

Enter the CTV, CBC's rival.

Right about now, this company pwns a goodly chunk of Canadian pop culture, from its own stable of radio and tv stations to specialty channels such as TSN, MuchMusic and franchises such as the Discovery Channel and MTV. (Yes... that eMpTy-V!) There was no doubt that one day, it might come to eclipse the so-called Mother Corp.

And earlier today, it did just that.

So what does that mean for the CBC? What does it say about the erstwhile, self-proclaimed guardian of Canadian Culture™?

Well... it's another great example on how a once-respected institution could get so bloated on it own sanctimonious arrogance and delusion that it could succeed in sabotaging its own attempt at retaining and maintaining the respect of its core audiences.

You might say that the CBC had committed a little social and public-relations suicide.

But that would involve competency, and in the end, it was the CTV that wound up pulling the trigger to finish the job.

And so, there you go.

RIP - Bo Diddley...Blues Rockin' OG

Heaven's old-school groove has gotten heavier.

The Godfather of Soul, the King of Rock and Roll, the Man in Black, the Quiet Beatle, the Loon, the Crazy Diamond, the Samurai Blues Brother and all the blues, hip-hop and r'n'b OGs from Leadbelly, Robert Johnson, Otis Redding, Muddy Waters, Easy E, 2-Pac and B.I.G. on down, are all on notice.

Bo Diddley's in town, and for the Lord he's ready to get down.



Give the man all the love and props. If you don't know Diddley, get to know.

Where I'm at...June '08 edition

Well... another Sunday. Another start of a grueling work week.

And for some strange reason, I'm so amped.

So here are a few plans that need to be taken care of.

Prioritizing can be a bitch, but this is the best that I can come up.

And if none of this makes any sense, it's because I'm making them all up on the fly.

• Thank goodness for obsessive compulsion!
  I found out that I did back up my website on some DVDs after all!
  Now I've got to find a good, reliable and cheap server to hold all this stuff.
  The sooner I get it, the better.
  The problem is that money is always too tight, and settling in a strange city full of strangers require setting up a certain quality of life.
  So for now, world conquest is on hold.


• For those who do not yet know, I have a YouTube Channel called "The Jacques Treatment".
  It's just like this blog, but this time you get to know a little more about me and how I manage the method of madness.
  Currently, I'm mapping out a couple of projects with 3 cams, several pages full of scribblings and a fevered imagination.
  Not unlike this blog.
  So drop in, subscribe and hopefully we could all start a revolution, one vid at a time, one day at a time.
  And by the way - don't forget my friends. They're all waiting for you. Now.
  
  
• Last year, my bike was stolen.
  Since I sold my car back in '06, the bike had been my means of transportation, and has help me keep my weight down.
  But in early '07, some heartless fucker managed to bypass the Kryptonute locking system and jack my ride.
  This year, I'm being a little more careful.
  Even though my crib is a bit cramped as it is, I'm keeping my new ride inside.
  Which is all the better: the area, while not considered bad by urban standards, has its share of hooligans.
  The other day, the apartment building's front door's Plexiglas had been smashed. The adjacent window was also smashed.
  Who knows what kind of shit goes down in the hood, but I'm not budging for the next little while.
  After all, moving is quite expensive, and I'm trying to keep everything under budget.
  

Anyways... I'm tired, thirsty and ready to crash in a major way. Stay safe.

A shot of Jacques: GO CANADA!

Ellen Page won best female performance at the 2008 MTV Movie Awards.

And thank Satan that Marion Cotillard wasn't ever nominated for that!

She looked pretty floored.

And she didn't have to wear any hideous pumps to aggravate the event.

So there you go, eh?

The Occasional Rant - No Sleep! / Page Centre Stage / iPhone: the Prepaid Conundrum

And so here we go...

1. I'll sleep when I'm dead! I always have this thing about days when I don't have to go to work.
   
   I've made it a point to take advantage of the sunlight to do stuff, like making entries like this.
   
   The problem is, my body could only take so much abuse that as much as I want to get on to a second, third or fourth wind, my wee brain starts thinking otherwise.
   
   This usually happens when I work the graveyard or late evening shifts. After work there would be a lengthy period of decompression where I would gather my thoughts and make plans for the next day. This goes everything against all that I've learned in my 12-step programs.
   
   The more I worry, the more I do junk, then...
   
   zzzzzzz...
   
   
2. HEADS! The Wooden Monkey on Argyle might be getting more than a few more customers after tonight.
   Not all people running around with cameras will be tourists.
   And someone might wind up lurking area high schools for the next big thing.
   Ellen Page's star is rising fast. Faster than a Victoria-class sub in an emergency, faster than an old-school ICBM.
   On a personal level, the Monkey is a very nice place. Most of the dishes are natural, organic and locally produced. Last time I was there they had the veggie gyoza and this tofu cheesecake that is to kill for. What the hell is going to happen to the place when the stalkerazzi descend on Halifax like famished locusts?
   And I feel for some of the students at the schools Ellen attended. I fear that some goon from Access Hollywood or Extra will push for some dirt on the kid from people who may have had the slightest passing acquaintance.
   If Ellen were to win the Oscar, one can bet that there will be expectations galore. Expectations for bigger, more demanding roles. If she could take the heat, all the power to her and everything else. But people worry about what might happen if/when the hype hits the fan. And Hollywood, being a town of jaded elders, eats its young like candy.
   Thankfully, Ellen seems to have a good head on her shoulders, and she should keep it if the heat turns up.
   I still think that Julie Christie or Marion Cotillard will pwn the paperweight. I'll find out tonight.
   
   
3. iPhone - not a goddamn toy. For those people stateside who are hungering for Apple's latest gift to humankind, a word of advice.
   Don't try to aim for prepaid service.
   Especially if you have good credit.
   First, prepaid is more expensive than a contract service. You are actually paying more green for less service than you think. The lowest contract price actually offers you more than the lowest prepaid price (monthly prepaid plan rate + 19.99/month for data). Check that one out. Plus you get to do some roaming with a contract. Prepaid customers don't have that privilege. Sorry, boss.
   Secondly, and most importantly, you're getting the same damn service, security and responsibility as contract people.
   If you know that your credit is royally fubar, iTunes would let you know, then give you a choice of going to the nearest AT&T store or going prepaid. It's that simple.
   If I were you, I'd think before I run.
   The saddest thing is that living in Canada, I couldn't get my greasy palms on those babies, yet. Sigh.
   

And so, there you go. Lotsa luck, Ellen.

The Occasional Rant - Belated Happy 21, Treena Lahey!

Back from work. Tired and half-inspired. Here goes...

Belated Happy 21 to Ellen Page.

There's nothing too special about this lady Scotian
But in her craft she emits emotions
Like an alchemist conjuring strange arcane potions
Or Sheherezade working ever faster
To please an ever demanding master

But as I get ready to go to bed
After everything has been said and done
It doesn't matter what you've lost or won
From one jaded expat Torontonian
I salute thee, dear Ellen, thou lady Scotian.

I know it's kinda sucky and hokey. But I had a long day. And the next 2 days won't be any shorter.

At least my heart's in the right place.

And so, there you go.

The Jacques Treatment: Tears 4 Spears

You've seen how I write.

Now, see this...



A little bit spontaneous and rough (I just have to work on my tagline)considering that I just arrived home from work, but I pulled no punches on this sucker.

Now, I can relax.

Big ups: Michael Buckley - the second coming of Max Headroom and his projects "What the Buck Show" and "Buck Hollywood". It sure beats watching ET, Inside Edition, Excess Hollywood and all the other celeb-pr0n tubetrash. He gives good love. Send some back his way. Tell him that Jacques sent you.

The Occasional Rant - Go, Leafs... oh... nevermind. Ellen Page - the new Molly Ringwald? Why Afghaninstan is not Canada's Iraq.

Just what the Doctor ordered. Open wide..

1. Giving it up for the Blue and White? Just give up. The big question nipping at the synapses of athletic gourmands is whether the Toronto Maple Leafs would turn around and surprise everyone with a resurrection of sorts.
   
   As a terminal Torontonian (my creds: born at Mount Sinai; treated for many ailments at Sick Kids; knows that Yonge and Dundas is not as bad or evil as it used to be; misses the yeasty malt waft from the old Molson brewery on the Lakesore as it hit HMCS York), I suffer every single season. I remember the last Stanley Cup parade - I was all of 3 years old when pandemonium hit downtown and my parents took me to experience the thrill of seeing the sacred Cup in the hands of the Chosen and Deserving. To me, everyone was all of 3 years of age at that point.
   
   But now, long after Harold Ballard had become nothing but dust, bone and shady memory, the Leafs have imploded. Not that they ever had any major success since 1967 - they've been frustrated bridesmaids many a time, but never holders of the battered Grail - but this year, the effects of that drought are starting to fray the nerves of even the newbiest of newbies. At last count, after getting pwned at home 8-0 Tuesday night by the Florida Panthers - based in a state where snow is what someone would rather snort than shovel - the once and future Kings of Carlton St. share the dank basement with the likes of Tampa, Chicago and LA. The former dynastic Islander powerhouse is now even a shadow of its former self, its fans no doubt intent on commiserating with their counterparts.
   
   But this is not about how to improve the team. This is a eulogy, a requiem for a throwaway season. This may sound defeatist, but there is a fine line between optimism and full-blown delusion. Rather than hope for a miraculous turnaround, rather than goad an already battered team into further oblivion, we should just show our love for the Blue and White, win or lose, and give up on the rest of the season.
   
   This isn't just for the good of the team. It's also for your own health. There's always next season. Consider this roster under construction and cut them enough slack to let them make mistakes from which they could learn. And come playoff time, learn to say this mantra with all your heart...
   
   GO, SENS, GO!
   
   Next...
   
   
2. Juno Pretty in Pink? I'm probably going to piss off a lot of fanboiz and fangrrlz by saying that there isn't anything special about Ellen Page.
   
   In a field over-saturated by wide-eyed ingenues and hyper-precocious twinks (hello, Hannah Montana?), Ellen may be seen as a hot, gawky woman with all the quirks associated with opinionated youth. Then again, having lived in the Halifax-Dartmouth area since 2002, there are many women like Ellen/Juno who posses these same qualities. Hell... one of my co-workers recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and she was just 17 when the bun was placed in her oven (big-up, congrats, mad-love and respect, Amanda). So, what's up about Juno and the hamburger phone, eh?
   
   To be fair, I have yet to see this movie, but I remember a similar hype with another ingenue who broke out on the scene via teen flicks - Molly Ringwald.
   
   Mmmmmm - how I loved her all-American gawkishness and her fiery red hair, and the way she scowled at Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club".
   
   There could be so many similarities between Ellen and Molly - both of them started out on television (Ellen: "Pit Pony", "Re-Genesis", "Trailer Park Boys"; Molly: "The Facts of Life"). Both of them went to interesting schools (Ellen: Shambhala School; Molly: Lycée Française School in Los Angeles). And most interestingly, they both appeared in movies about teen pregnancy (Ellen: y'know; Molly: "For Keeps?").
   
   Surprise, surprise. I think I've found a match. 20 years apart.
   
   It would be very interesting if both these ladies get together for some lunch, maybe at the Wooden Monkey in downtown Halifax, where they serve this chocolate walnut tofu cheesecake to kill for - yummy, muthafuckah! - and maybe do a film together. Think of this as passing the torch from one gen to another.
   
   For now, Ellen Page is a work in progress. While she does have some career mileage, she really has to do something that would make everyone shout "What the f---!" rather than say "What the f---", "Hard Candy" and "The Tracey Fragments" notwithstanding. The upcoming adaptation of "The Stone Angel" might just do the trick. In the meantime, for patriotic purposes, Ellen (along with Wintersleep, Classified, Buck 65 and John Dunsworth, among many in the Maritimes) has been declared Jacques Approved™!
   
   Having said that, I still believe that she'll win the Oscar some other time.
   
   Next...
   
   
3. Quagmire is Peter Griffin's Neighbour! Stéphane Dion's heart may go on, but in the here-and-now, the Gritmeister is in a quandary.
   
   His party, many moons ago, volunteered this country to go into Afghanistan to rebuild and keep the Taliban and al-Qaeda zealots at bay, if not six feet under. Current Prime Minister Stephen Harper ensured that the boys and girls - my brothers and sisters - take advantage of this mandate to ensure the freedom, dignity and respect for the many disparate tribes that make the Afghan nation.
   
   As everyone should know by now, this had been easier said than done - every tribe has one form of beef or another, and most deaths amongst the local populace could be attributed to longstanding vendettas dating way before the Mullahs or Comrade Ivan ran things. All things considered, the Canucks have gone above and beyond the call of duty to keep the masses on their watch from killing each other.
   
   The problem that Dion has right now is that he wanted to remove the troops or at least limit their commitment after Feb 2009. Harper wanted to maintain the status quo beyond that date, provided that NATO would do more to help out in the region around Kandahar.
   
   Granted - Afghanistan is not Quebec, and multiculturalism there is more of the "You suck" - "You suck even more than your momma" variety. And in this region of the world, our concept of liberal democracy is as strange to them as female circumcision is to us. To those people who believe that we should stick to peacekeeping, think about this problem - remember Yugoslavia? Rwanda? If we have kept the peace there, why are there still more unmarked graves turning up? Peace, love and flowers, and a "Star Trek" solution are not the answers - in order to have peace, you have to create it, and as much as you hate the thought, a loaded weapon with the safety off does a better job than hugs and "Kumbaya". You have to make it to keep it, and our people over there are doing just that - policing the peace.
   
   The real big issue is that in spite of all our best efforts, we're still not feeling the love from our NATO "partners". Ignoring the need for more resources in this volatile region will make more Canadians resent the commitment to carry out the task. And an emasculated central government doesn't help the cause any better. As much as Hamid Karzai can talk a great talk, he still has to learn the baby steps to walk the walk, one step at a time.
   
   Whether Dion, Layton and that guy from the Bloc Québec-wha'? realise the big picture as much as Steve-O remains to be seen. I'm not holding my breath - neither should anyone who cares about the security of others as well as ourselves. And to be fair, if you need to commit, you need the love, and Steve-O should step up more often to ensure that our "partners" send more of it over. And soon. Or else.
   

And BTW - I'm working on my first proper YouTube posting. The first true post - a test-run - really sucks donkeys, but it's a start. All that's really needed are better lighting and a script.

And so... there you go.

Big Ups - Oh, My Gaahl; ANVIL PWNS!

Is Gaahl from Gorgoroth the Britney of Death Metal?

I've stumbled upon this nugget on VBS just by accident.

By the time I've gotten around to seeing the whole show, I'm quite convinced that Gaahl has some pretty serious issues. But it's not up to me to make the ultimate call.

Check this out...

At long last, some love for Anvil.

Major love.

As in... "It's about muthafuckkin time" love.

From the site...

Anvil! The Story Of Anvil is the name of the documentary on ANVIL directed by Sacha Gervasi, who wrote the Steven Spielberg movie, The Terminal. It will be premiered at the Sundance Film Festival which runs January 17-27, 2008. Sacha is an old friend of the band's that used to do some roadie work for them back in the 1980's. The website for the film is http://anvilmovie.com.

I'm-a seeing this. You should too. If you think Metallica© is the shit, think again. Without Anvil, they would still be touring dives to this day.

Big Ups.

The Occasional Rant: Dead Celebs; Vista is Satan; PC-hostile CDs; Stéphane Dion Might Be Right After All; And Then Some...

Hey, les Gang! Life as a wage slave may suck, but at least there's time for some more bitching and scratching.

So here we go...

1. Heath Ledger. Brad Renfro. RIP. Could it be the alignment of planets? Could it be that the death-watch focus on Britney, Lindsay and Amy have failed these 2 tortured souls in an industry where looks and performance intertwine? Has Western-civilised society in general become so shallow that the pain and struggle experienced by the famous few get scrutinised under the paparazzi microscope while the common, obscure majority dealing with the same issues get ignored, mocked and even exiled to wallow in their own private hells?
   
   It makes a sane person mad with the desire to kill Dr. Phil, the fake, phony, trivialising bastard-fuck of a charlatan who tried to make Britney his personal experiment, but failed. Where was he when Brad had his demons? Where was he when Heath had to deal with being the Joker for the Dark Knight? Does he care for all of the tortured people, or is he content being Oprah's lap-dog?
   
   I know pain, pressure, desperation. These guys deserved better. Love and respect to those who do.
   
   
2. Vista: Bill Gates's "Fuck You" to PC owners? Hands up all those who still chafe under the yoke of Windows Vista.
   
   Here's the story so far... I got myself a nice little HP laptop preloaded with the infamous OS, loaded up on my favourite games while being challenged every time by its built-in sentry, blah blah blah. In spite of it all, things started getting copacetic. Right?
   
   Well, on Tuesday I booted up the laptop, clicked on the IE button and got a nice little F-You from the system. Just when it was trying to load the Yahoo!© homepage, the damn browser went tits-up on me. Windows stepped in to shut it down with a couple of killer pop-ups of its own, then after I clicked on the "Close Program" button, a balloon appeared on the lower right-hand corner of the screen saying that an app called "Data Execution Prevention" kept the browser from running and ruining the Vista Utopia.
   
   Somehow, the OS assumed that IE would crash and burn and that the entire system would scream blue screen. But I led me to think that of all the OSes I've tried, Vista was one of the worst.
   
   In fact, the only (relatively) robust OS I've ever experienced was IBM's late, lamented OS/2 Warp 4. I worked with it during my time at BMO and it rarely gave any grief, especially while monitoring the bank's vast array of branch nodes and ABMs.
   
   A year-and-a-half later, BMO installed Windows NT, and all hell broke loose.
   
   For a corporation with a virtual monopoly on PC OSes, they should've done their homework before ditching XP in favour of an Apple-lite wannabe. Maybe I should've bought a Mac instead.
   
   
3. Can someone help me with these CDs?
   
   I've tried ripping these CDs for my "jukebox":
   
   Nelly Furtado - Folklore (crashed WMP, CD-DA)
   Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake - It's Morning (crashed CD-DA, unreadable by WMP)
   The Mars Volta - Deloused in the Comatorium (Track 10: "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt" - crashed both CD-DA and WMP)
   
   IMO, Furtado's "Folkore" was a great release, but when I tried to even play the CD, the laptop went "F-U" on me. Same thing with the Bright Eyes disc. Connor Oberst is without a doubt a true fuckin' pop music genius - next to Tom Waits, Richard Thompson, Ben Folds... But was it his idea to make "Wide Awake" so cyber-hostile - the entire OS went Jihadi on me when I popped it in. Like, WTF dude? The Volta's "Comatorium" equals anything put out by At The Drive In in terms of intensity and lyricism, but the last track was a whore, eventually forcing both rippers to yell "Kamerad!" before expiring.
   
   If anyone has similar ripping war-stories, et al, let me know. If you know a cure, e-mail me. Please. Like, right freakin' now. 'kay?
   
   
4. Stéphane Sticks It to the Man. It's a lot better when read out loud.
   
   He who is not Céline recently made a comment that, surprisingly, made a lot of sense.
   
   And so said Stéphane the man...
   
   

   "We are going to have to discuss that very actively if they (the Pakistanis) are not able to deal with it on their own. We could consider that option with the NATO forces in order to help Pakistan help us pacify Afghanistan," said Mr. Dion in Quebec City, commenting after his two-day trip to Afghanistan last weekend. "As long as we don't solve the problem in Pakistan, I don't see how we can solve it in Afghanistan."
   
   The Liberal leader explained that Afghan officials told him they know where the extremist strongholds are in Pakistan. But he said the Afghans don't take action.
   
   "One day, we are going to have to act because our soldiers are cleaning out some areas, but in fact very often they are only clean in principle. The insurgents go take refuge in Pakistan and they are going to come back (to Afghanistan) at the earliest opportunity. This could last very long if we don't tackle the problems that often originate from Pakistan," Mr. Dion said.
   
   Defence Minister Peter MacKay told Canwest News Service Dion's comments were off base.
   
   "Mr. Dion can't be serious to suggest NATO "intervene," in another country while simultaneously saying Canada should abandon its United Nations-mandated NATO mission in Afghanistan," he said in an e-mail.
   
   "He has to explain to Canadians why he wants an "intervention" but wants to turn his back on Afghanistan, which has asked and continues to ask for Canada's help. It's inane."

   With all due blah blah blah... most of what Monsieur Dion said made a lot of sense - Taliban come in, leave IED, fuck-off to the other side. If the Pakistanis have trouble teaching the Taliban manners, why couldn't we help these "brothers" out?
   
   Don't forget: Pakistan, like all the other 'stans, is Islamic. Period. And to many, if not most in that land, the Taliban are brothers. To date, 78 of my brothers and sisters have gone to a better life thanks to these Jihadis, and Musharraf doesn't seem to be doing enough to rein in these murderers who have also sent innocent Muslim civilians to paradise.
   
   Right about now, the 78 Canucks, including Sapper Gonthier, are each probably enjoying 70 virgins and endless showings of classic NHL - the ones with the Rocket and Bill Barilko. After all, they too are Allah's children, aren't they?
   
   
5. Gauging the Rage About Page. (And why I'm being very cautious about what I really want to say without hurting too many feelings.)
   
   Think of this as a bookend.
   
   Ellen Page is without a doubt one of Hali's best exports next to Keith's, Sloan, April Wine and (even though they're from Cole Harbour, but who cares?) the Trailer Park Boys.
   
   Now, I admit to seeing Ellen a few years ago passing through along Young St. once in a while - she attended the Shambhala school which is located not too far from CFB Stadacona. Didn't know or care who she was. She was just another face. But thanks to a few choice roles in some movies ("Hard Candy", "The Tracy Fragments", "Mouth to Mouth", "Juno"), she has gotten more than a foot in the door - she's now in the house.
   
   I also have to mention the fact that she did appear in Season 2 of Trailer Park Boys as Treena Lahey, the sensible offspring of the oft incoherent park super Jim Lahey (played by the inimitable John Dunsworth).
   
   Everyone is talking about "our Ellen" being in the running for the Oscar. I hate to say this, but she's got herself some pretty stiff competition - and that's not just the Torontonian in me saying this: I'm being a bit realistic. Cate Blanchett, Julie Christie (remember "The Demon Seed"? Wicked-ass flick.), Marion Cotillard (c'est qui?) and Laura Linney all want a piece of that action.
   
   I'd love to see Ellen win one, not only for Hali but for all of the Great White North. But truthfully, the golden doorstop has a tendency to go to the classic (Julie Christie has been around since I was half Ellen's age), the pretentious (Cotillard, who won the Golden Globe for Best Actress, played Édith Piaf in the sprawling "La vie en rose") or the all-American. Also, I haven't really experienced too many dark-horse wins, let alone wins by newbie talent.
   
   Ellen, with all due respect since she might be reading this, is a newbie talent compared to the competition. I'm saying that this is not her time. I'd give her 2 more years, more mature roles and storylines, and maybe an appearance on "Red Eye", then she will have enough cred to bring home the hardware.
   
   After all, where the hell is JK Simmons, the man who played Juno's dad? Why did he not get a nod?
   
   Of course, I may be proven wrong. Ellen is talented. And if you take her Canuck career, she does have milage via tv and indie productions. So maybe the Oscar would be considered the icing on the cake.
   
   For now - I'm picking Julie Christie. Better luck next year, Treena Lahey.

And so... there you go.

The Unknown Good Stuff In '06 and '07:How I Lived to be 44 So Far

In spite of what I had to go through these years, I feel a little more empowered and free.

No more would I need an excuse to get hammered on my spare time, nor find myself broke for any other reason than having to pay rent, groceries and utilities.

(Okay... I did have to get games for the Playstation, but that's another story.)

I could finally fit into my jeans. After spending so much time struggling to fit 38 inches into a 32-inch pair of dungarees, I had to tighten my belt quite a bit.

Poverty and starvation can do that. Trust me.

All kidding aside, I am in process of releasing all these years of anger and self-loathing that ironically have driven my previous endeavours, both legit and illicit.

The funny thing about creativity and maintaining muses is that there has to be something that nourishes the process and perpetuates the momentum. Sometimes, the spark would come from a single, repetitive act, an occurring ritual that would define a person's head space. Sometimes, there would be a chemically induced revelation, an alcoholic epiphany, a hallucinogenic awakening that would give birth to a song, a drawing, a rant on a blog.

As you can see, all my writings were done under some kind of influence. And sometimes, like DUI, there would be a little collateral damage.

Have my Muses abandoned me? Has the Fire been squelched? HELL NO!

I believe that through adversity and bullshit, I've become, if not stronger, at least more at peace, more considerate, maybe even more aware of what's around me.

Yes... there will be haters everywhere who will think that once you've got the Disease, you're lost forever. I don't subscribe to the Darwinist fascism of immediate disposability (except for some extreme circumstances). The Disease always has a source, and within that source lies the cure.

Yes, I was, I am, and I will always be an addict. Once you get a taste, the taste will linger as long as you're above ground. For every rush, there will always be the crash, and most true addicts would dwell on the former than contemplate the latter. With sobriety, though, there's no difference between the two - both have equal weight and are necessary to maintain balance and order.

I'll still love and hate as usual, except that my targets will be attainable. I realise that I can't change the world as much as I like - I have enough problem changing myself as it is right now. As for the bridges that I have burned behind me in my years as an addict, leave them be - God will sort out the rest.

In other words, I am still Jacques. Nothing more. Nothing less. And there's still work to be done.

Jamie Lynn Gets Jumped By Stalkerazzis

Jamie Lynn "Not Britney" Spears speaks out about her pregnancy.



Needless to say: no comment.