Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Tonight, I'm not going to sit around and speculate.

I'm not going to run after second-hand stories.

I don't intend to comment on things that I haven't seen.

Tonight, I'm off to see "Revenge of the Sith".

Review tomorrow in "Midweek Mental Breakdown".

May the Schwartz be with you.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

"Saudi king's condition 'stable'":

The problem is that the Saudis have been ruled by a Islamist oligarchy for too long.

And that same oligarchy has been linked to worldwide Islamist terror organisations.

Never mind the fact that Crown Prince Abdullah had been calling the shots after Fahdso suffered a failed Mossad regime change attempt stroke back in 1995.

So when will the ROTW wake up to this travesty?

Oliver Stoned!

Pure jokes. And you wonder why some of his movies are so bizarrely fucked-up, eh?
Stone, 58, who won Academy Awards for Platoon and Born on the Fourth of July , was arrested at a checkpoint in Beverly Hills on Friday night, Sgt. John Edmundson said.

Stone showed signs of alcohol intoxication after pulling over on Sunset Boulevard, Edmundson said.

Police searched the director's Mercedes and found drugs, said the sergeant. He didn't say what kind.
Better living through chemistry doesn't necessarily carry over to better talent and vision.

Maybe Ollie will make better movies after rehab.

Then again...

Friday, May 27, 2005

Eddie Albert: A Life Well Lived

I used to be a fan of "Green Acres".

"Greeeeen acres is the place for me.
Faaaarm livin' is the life for me.
Land spreadin' out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

New York is where I'd rather stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue.

...The chores.
...The stores.
...Fresh air.
...Times Square

You are my wife.
Good bye, city life.
Green Acres we are there."

You gotta love it when Oliver Wendell Douglas (Albert) would drive up to the farmhouse in his chattery, old tractor in the opening credits, then work on proving himself as an able farmer while his irresistable wife Lisa (played by the irresistable Eva Gabor) tried to be the ultimate farmer's wife, even though she'd rather be back in Manhattan.

That's the way I'll remember Ediie Albert the best. See you soon...

Get Well Soon, Jeff Healey

Back in the day, Jeff Healey was rawk's bluesy young-gun, playing his Strat to frat-bwoyz and connaisseurs alike.

These days, he could be found managing his Toronto jazz-blues bar, hosting the occasional rawk act from time to time.

Yes... he could've stuck around, churning out record after record and touring his ass off, but since most modern popular music have started to cease being about MUSIC, he decided to take another angle, which is cool in many ways.

And right about now he is facing another battle with cancer: his first one cost him his sight when he was a baby. Here's praying that he'll beat this motherfucker once and for all.

A Canadian Treat Deemed a Threat?

Every spring, young ferns start to spout in form of fiddle-heads.

Here in Canada, we consider these sprouts as a delicacy, preferrably steamed and served with salted butter on top.

But, as the good people at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency noted, there's a toxin that, if not properly washed and boiled out, may cause symptoms such as diarrhea, dizziness and nausea.

But if you decide to come up for a visit, don't deny yourself this otherwise tasty and nutritious treat.

Mmmmm... fiddleheads!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Midweek Mental Meltdown:
Belinda Bop, SOAD Sells A Load, Svengali Abuse...
And A Few Other Things

Rather than ramble on about the state of AdScam or something that would require more thought and research, I might as well let loose on a couple of well deserved rants of the top of my head...
  1. BS BJs PM? The way the former Tory Barbie Girl was wooed from the clutches of the evil Stephen Harper and her mark fuck-toy boyfriend Peter McKay with a candlight dinner at 24 Sussex, I suspect that the PM might be doing a little BS on the side. Could it be? Naaahhh...

  2. System Of A Winfall. Those LA whackoes System Of A Down have scored a jackpot with their latest offering "Mezmerize" by letting it hit the top of the charts in Canada and the US.
    Don't get me wrong - I never agreed with their politics, but once you get a taste of "Cigaro", "This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I'm On This Song" and "Old School Hollywood", you'd want to switch sides long enough to get this fix.
    If I were you, I'd wait until they release "Hypnotize" in the fall, though. Until then, you can always do the P2P thing and... uh... you know. Since this release only has 11 songs of standard radio-friendly length, you might as well save that kind of dough to get...

  3. Ben Folds: "Songs For Silverman". Admit it... deep down inside, you are a Ben Folds fan. Search your feelings even deeper and you'd discover all the adult existential angst that provides the fodder to this latest collection of piano-based tunage. If you think that Keane's a bit too soothing for your tastes, then Ben has the opposite. He has revived the piano-drums-bass format in this outing. Starting with "Bastard", climaxing with the single "Landed" and then slowly coasting to the pathos of "Prison Food", Folds and Co. fail to disappoint. So buy this album. Or better yet, get the "Dualdisk" version - CD on one side; full-blown DVD with goodies on the other. A great investment for your collection.
    Of course, you can skip "Songs For Silverman" in favour of...

  4. Aimee Mann: "The Forgotten Arm". First off, why is this lady being ignored by radio? Is it because she came from the 80s? Did she use too may "real" musical instruments? Or is it because on this album, she's a bit too straightforward about despair and redemption? I have a hunch that this will be Avril Lavigne in 15 years, when she will have shed her sk8r ponk pose in favour of emotion and soul. A must have. Aimee: if you're reading this, please come to Halifax. Pretty please?

  5. A Svengali's Worst Nightmare Come True. For years, Guy Cloutier has been a fixture in Québec's pop culture scene, discovering and managing stars, producing tv shows and promoting live events. Life was good for Monsieur Cloutier.
    Until one day...
    Now he's serving a prison sentence for molesting a couple of youngsters that he was grooming for stardom.
    One would think that this whole affair would be done like poutine, but one star has come out against this sad-sack Svengali.
    Nathalie Simard is the sister of one of Cloutier's earlier discoveries, René Simard, who once was touted as la belle province's answer to Donny Osmond. To make a long story short, she, with her attorney, have asked the judge in the case to ease part of a publication ban so she could come to terms with her own sexual abuse at Cloutier's hands. Not surprisingly, she's also seeking damages.
    For all parents out there, consider this a precautionary tale: if your kid has a talent that would knock virtually everyone on their collective arse, would you trust that child to anyone who'd promise the universe? Would you trust that person to begin with?
    Methinks that Cloutier is gonna be bien fourré in the end. Stay tuned.

  6. Let's Invade Them Before They Invade Us! Obviously, someone down there is still blaming Canada for his own (preventable) sexual dysfunction.
    Thus, that certain person decided to make a site extolling the virtues of "Manifest Destiny" in this day and age, blah blah blah...
    It's very obvious the guy needs some serious help when he publishes "jokes" such as this one...
    There once was an Ontarian who's life long dream it was to be a Newfie. One day the man finally saw his doctor about it. The doctor examined him and gave him the prognosis, "Well, if you really want to be a Newfie there is a surgery I can perform, but I have to remove 1/3 of your brain." The Ontarian was so excited, he agreed to do it right away.

    During the surgery however, the doctor's hand slipped. The doctor was so upset that he sat next to the man in the recovery room until he woke up. Finally the Ontarian woke up. The doctor immediately explain what happened, and told the Ontarian, "I am so sorry sir, my hand slipped during the surgery and I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain instead of 1/3."

    The Ontarian looked confused and replied "Que ce que vous disez, monsieur?"
    Somebody, check into this, eh?
There. I'm done for now. Get on with your lives.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Paulyanna Tories, Meet "Harper Liberals"

In my travels, I've stumbled upon an interesting site by way of AGWN (FTWDK-GTK! It's in my BlogRoll, eh?).

Generally, the whole Gomery-AdScam thing is wearing even the hardiest of hardy Canuckz. And not too surprisingly, some of the casual Grit supporters are starting to defect.

Like other post-AdScam blogs, HL is a work in progress. Just like Y2D4.

Tuesday's Troubled Tantrum:
One Hell Of A Way To Promote X-tian-Jewish Relations

It seems that the world's Orthodox Churches have voted not to "recognize" the Patriarch of Jerusalem because he cosorted with those Damjooz™ and threatened the future of all Palestinians™.
The vote came during a rare "pan-Orthodox" synod involving the 12 main Orthodox churches and presided over by Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew, the Istanbul-based spiritual leader of Orthodox Christians.

Church members have tried to depose Irineos over explosive allegations that his church leased property to Jewish investors in east Jerusalem, a moved which would weaken attempts by Palestinians to make east Jerusalem their capital. Irineos has persistently refused to resign.
Note that Irineos just "leased" the property to these X'st-killaz™ - can you imagine the cash inflow to the Diocese there?

If only he had leased it to the Mo'slumz...

BTW - aren't the Orthodox X-tians the Islamoholics' next target, after the Damjooz and the Roaming Cadillacs? Just wondering.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Revenge of the Sith Liberals - They Live!

Little Darth Paulyanna and his fellow Sith Apprentices survived another no-confidence motion, 2 days after seducing Belinda Skywalker to the Dark Side to become Darth Stronach, 1 day after attempting to lure 2 BC Jedi Knights with a diplomatic post.

Jedi Master Yoda Harper said it best:
"While an unfortunate result for the country at this moment tonight's vote is, also provide us with persuasive arguments for change when Canadians finally and inevitably head to the polls it will.

"Tonight, a pyrrhic victory the Liberals Sith bought, that the seasons of its own destruction one will sow.

"In adopting a budget proposed by the NDP, and engaging in an unprecedented and irresponsible series of spending promises, fatally undermined its commitment to fiscal responsibility the Liberal Party of Canada Sith has."

It was expected that independants David Kilgour and Chuck Cadman would side with the Jedis against the proposed Sith budget. But Cadman the Badman eventually voted with the minority government. And it took the Speaker of the House's vote to seal the deal.

The budget offered goodies to various parts of the Evil Empire, with some extra goodies thrown in at the suggestion of the Nemoidian Democratic Party, thus the assumption that Cadman's vote would eventually topple the Sith. His reasoning for his decision...
"I imagine I made a few people angry today and probably made a few people happy," Cadman told CTV News moments later, in an interview outside the Commons.

"I was responding to my constituents. Primarily it was that they didn't feel they were prepared to go into an election," he told CTV reporter Roger Smith.
Another apprentice to the Dark Side? We shall see in the bloody morning after.

Until then... "May the Force be with you."

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Darth Paul? Maul Stanley?

2 facts to ponder:
  1. "Revenge of the Liberals Sith" is opening today.
    Personally, I'll take a rain-cheque for Tuesday night.
    Since Belinda Stronach has gone over to the Dark Side Liberals, one would think that evil forces are at work.
    I suspect that Little Paulyanna is actually a Sith Lord.
    All Hail... DARTH PAUL!(Cue Evil Empire theme.)
    Thanks, Brad.

  2. Speaking of Sithyness, one would assume that Darth Maul would remain the coolest character in the Star Wars universe, right.
    Sadly, he was killed off in "The Phantom Menace", thus depriving any discerning fan of any further double-ended light-sabre action.
    But one fan decided to take the initiative and combine 2 malevolant forces in the Universe - Sith and KISS, and become the ultimate Sith Lord, MAUL STANLEY.
    Of course, if it weren't for his imagination and audacity, "Maul" would still be another hyperactive Star Wars geek. But he has managed to rub shoulders and other body parts with members of the Heavy Metal elite, so all's well in the Universe.
    Now, bring on DARTH BROOKS!
Enjoy your Thursday!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


I thought that the reporters were on meth when I read that Tory MP Belinda Stronach has defected to become Little Paulyanna's Little Big Prize Catch™.
Stronach, who was considered one of the rising young stars of the Tory caucus, has joined the Liberal cabinet and was rewarded with the portfolio of minister of human resources.

Her move gives Prime Minister Paul Martin's minority Liberals a better chance of surviving a crucial confidence motion on the federal budget on Thursday, and consequently avoid being forced into a summer election. (My emphasis... Y2D)
Part of her reason to fuck-off from the Tory camp was due to her disagreements with Stephen Harper's leadership and direction. Her (former) party's push for a non-confidence motion over Adscam also grated her to a certain degree.
"(...) by forcing an election before the Conservative party has grown and established itself in Quebec, the hold over Quebec of the Bloc Quebecois can only grow into the vacuum. The result will be to stack the deck in favour of separatism, and the possibility of a Conservative government beholden to the separatists."
Whether it's due to the concern for her fellow 905 constituents (Martin promised millions for infrastructure in the Greater Toronto Area) or ambition, Belinda Stronach is playing a very serious game that could go either way.

She would either be remembered as someone who cared about the direction that the country is supposed to be going, or someone who would do anything for a piece of the power pie.

All the better reason to rush out and see "Revenge of the Sith" this coming Thursday.

PS: is it just me, or doesn't Supreme Chancellor Palpatine/Darth Sidious (Ian McDiarmid) look a bit like PM Paul Martin, albeit remotely? Just wondering...

PPS: here's an advance review of SW III: ROTS. Enjoy.

PPPS: the "Ed Zeppelin" strikes with his own on the Stronach betrayal.

P4S: erstwhile suiter, CPC MP Peter MacKay, has learned a new meaning to the term "getting fucked". Sorry, Petey.

P5S: as Morrisey the blogger wrote in his most recent Stronach commentary -
Can you imagine the political shock waves that would happen here (and the weather forecasts for Hades) if Hillary Clinton announced her defection to the GOP in order to get an appointment to George Bush's Cabinet?
Now why didn't I think about that one? Wait a sec... I have a life, right?

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Courtesy of "Wizbang" -
Scarecrows on Parade

WTF happened to Lindsay "Mean Girl" Lohan and Nicole Ritchie (formerly "Mrs. Paris Hilton")?

Did they do one binge-and-purge too many?

Did they rush-rush to the yéyo after school?

This sure ain't looking too damn pretty, that's for sure.

And I always thought that Lindsay's such a nice girl. Riiigh.

Ketchup - Sunday, 15 May 2005

Well, it's been awhile since I've done some creative mayhem. So let's do a little catch-up on some items that have transpired over the past few weeks...

Britney Inna Family Way. Shock. Horror. The kid has grown up and now has a bun in the oven.

All those men in trenchcoats who pulled for a piece of Britney Pie back in the late 90s are currently in a state of terminal mourning. Get over it, you losers. She's an adult now. Get it?

Commemorating The End Of A Nightmare. It was 60 years ago when the Allies (mostly Anglo-Saxon Protestant nations, FYI) forced Nazi Germany to its knees. Millions dead. Generations decimated. Economies ruined. And an entire people almost virtually erased from existence.

And yet, there still were the Imperial Japanese forces to deal with on the bloddy morning-after.

For us Canadians, we had punched well above our weight, fighting the Battles of the North Atlantic and the Saint Lawrence, taking a risk and nearly losing it all at Dieppe, clawed our way up Italy, seized the shores of Normandy, wreaking havoc on enemy industries from the skies and liberating the Netherlands.

Yet our most grateful, honest and gracious Prime Minister decided to honour the men who had put their necks out for generations to come ONE DAY TOO FUCKING LATE because of some, umm, political matters.

All because Little Paulyanna loves being Prime Minister. Just because.

But to all the men who were there, wherever they may be, we should always be grateful.

Hopefully, there should never be a war like that again. But you may never know.

And if that were to happen, would we Canadians still be able to rise to the challenge?

Would we be able to protect our friends and allies in times of need? Would we be able to take the lead than slavishly wait for permission to do so? One would only hope.

This Year's "Trailer Park" Theme. In a previous post, I mentioned that each season of the Trailer Park Boys centred on a certain theme. After a couple of episodes, I have found a name for it...

Season 5: "It's A Shame About Ray".

FTWK - Ricky's dad, Ray (played by series producer Barrie Dunn) has recently been caught up in a cycle of alcohol and VLT (that's "video lottery terminal") dependacy. Through some good luck, Ray managed to buy his lot and trailer, but recently has fallen on hard times with a rash of losses at the terminals. On top af that, through Ricky's carelessness, his trailer burnt down and for a while Bubbles took the blame.

Fortunately, the brain-trust of Julian, Ricky and Bubbles had scored over a 100 keys of hash from a pair of bumbling brothers and their longtime adversary, Cyrus, and have hidden the stash in Ray's "driveway". If they succeed, not only would their lives improve, but Ray would be bailed out once and for all.

But since this is Sunnyvale, and since we're dealing with a trio of wily hosers going up against uptight Mr. Lahey (played to perfection by the Voice of Nova Scotia, John
Dunsworth), anything could happen. After all, someone goes to jail every season finale. Will the Boys go back to Van Allen? Will Lahey lose his mind again? Will Ray's scams finally catch up with him? Will Randy finally put on a shirt? Stay tuned.

The Whole World Is Going To Sith! I just can't wait to see "Revenge of the Sith" as soon as it comes out in theatres Thursday.

But why the rush - there are books and products galore released way ahead of the film that virtually give away the story. And everyone involved with SW III are in full shill mode.

Seems that in light of the past two SW episodes ("The Phantom Menace" and "Attack of the Clones"), they want to make sure that Episode III doesn't suffer the same fate and wrath of critics and fans alike.

I mean, Jar-Jar Binks, for fuck sakes. How do Rastafarians figure in this story?

Still, I'd love to see how Anakin Skywalker made the transition to the Dark Side and how he wound up with the voice of James Earl Jones ("This - is CNN"). It will be very interesting to say the least.

That's why I'm going to read the book first.

A Taste of Third World Politics. Why go to some malaria infested Banana Republic when you can come up to Canada and experience stories of rampant patronage, vote buying and money laundering, courtesy of the eternal Liberal Party.

Forget Uzbekistan. Too backward and Islamic.

Forget Kazakhstan. A little too unstable.

Zimbabwe? White or black, no-one ain't too safe from Mugabe's goons.

Over in Canada, an unlikely alliance of the Conservatives and the separatist Bloc Québecois have stalled Parliament for almost three days in a row, in spite of Jack Layon's NDP propping up Little Paulyanna's Big Red Ruling Machine. Pundits are predicting the early collapse of the Liberal government. However, Martin the Martian had produced a few tricks from up his sleeve - various monies for infrastructure, a fast-track for a sex-offender registry, various pork-barrel projects to the traditional strongholds, etc.

If the gambit is successful, than the Liberals might have a good chance at winning the next election. We Canadians are so brainwashed after successive regimes that the slightest doomsday rumour about Stephen Harper's Conservatives would be considered a death blow for the Opposition. It exists in most sections of our MSM, where perks for supporters are abound. And the traditional strongholds of Ontario and the Maritimes have been beneficiaries of Liberal government largesse (read: bribes), so change may not be too good.

It reminds me of the period just after the collapse of the Soviet Union, when gangsters and Brezhnev-era cronies were creating mess and mayhem with the economy that older citizens wanted a return to to Communism. (Sadly - if you could read between the lines in recent new stories, Vladimir Putin is re-Sovietizing Russia. Just have a look for yourself.) Canadians have the same kind of mentality - "Sure, our government sucks, but we live much better than the Yanks, eh?" This type of thinking should cease as the Gomery Inquiry proceeds and reveals more of the depth of Federal Liberal corruption and opportunism.

Yet, Little Paulyanna has an opportunity to show leadership and discipline during this crisis, but NOOOOOO! He hides and cowards from all criticism. He should learn from all the great leaders that he seems to try to emulate: Mugabe, Ceausescu, Idi Amin, Castro, Kim Jong-il, Ferdinand Marcos, Joseph Estrada...

Did I forget to mention that Little Paulyanna loves being Prime Minister? Just because.

Finally... deep down inside, we are all British Israelists.

Admit it. There's no shame to being one. There's only shame in denial.

Jacques Out!

Friday, May 06, 2005

More "WTF" for the Original Dr. Dray

Goddamnit! I checked myself into Sick Parade this morning to get this pain in my upper thigh checked out.

To make a long story short, the man formerly known as "UFS" (that's "UnFit Sea") is now temporarily "UFAS" ("UnFit AlongSide") for 2 weeks.

There goes my plan to take over the world this weekend. I'm currently doped-up on some extra-strength aspirin to take away that pain. I go into physio on Tuesday. I just hope it's not serious.

It sure sucks to be me sometimes.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Sheer Fucking PAIN!!!

Well... the other day I was doing my duty watch on board. Since there was no telephone in my cabin, I chose the main cafeteria as my crash pad for the night.

I may be the way I was crashed out, but when I woke up for my watch, there was a sharp pain on the left, extending from my groin to my hip.

For 4 hours, I had to endure occasional extreme pain. I tried walking it off - it did no good. I sat down - no improvement.

So I spent the following day in my bed, hoping that the pain would die down, which it did, for a while.

But today it came back with a vengeance. I suspect that part of the muscle was stretched pretty bad, maybe even torn.

Either way, I'm off to sick-bay to find out what could be done about it.

Pain sucks.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

"Born to lose. Live to win."

Went to see Motorhead this past Monday at the Halifax Forum.

There can be only one true Lemmy.

Living proof that if it's not loud enough, it's not rock and roll.

And what's a good Motorhead night without the following words of wisdom...
On your feet you feel the beat, it goes straight to your spine,
Shake your head you must be dead if it don't make you fly,
Don't sweat it, get it back to you,
Overkill, Overkill
- "Overkill"
Hear... Hear...