Another Palestinian™ Shows Gratitude:Kills 5, Injures 30

(CTV.ca) Suicide bomber kills 5 at Israeli shopping mall...

(Certain) Palestinians, grateful for having land given to them by Eretz Israel, are still showing gratitude in the generous spirit of the followers of the great, merciful Grand Mufti Hajj Amin.

One of them demonstrated his with a little - uh... explosive demonstration at a Netanya shopping centre.

Two Palestinian militant groups claimed responsibility for the attack, although only Islamic Jihad released the name of the bomber.

In a phone call to the Associated Press, Islamic Jihad identified the bomber as Lotfi Abu Saada, from the village of Illar between the West Bank towns of Tulkaram and Jenin.

This group declared that it reserved the right to retaliate for any perceived Israeli "violations" of a "ceasefire", such as the recent killing of a terrorist leader and an arrest of another. Obviously, these two gentlemen were about to get their people to demonstrate their gratitude to the Damjoos who live in the Eretz.

The grateful zealot, Abu Saada, was stopped at a mall checkpoint when he decided to show his love for the Damjoo people.

Of course, the Palestinians™ are always trying to go after military targets, or so their syncophants would love to have us ignorant heathen savages believe. But the Great Mufti's spirit, revered by the most passionate amongst the nationalists, declared that "Palestine is our land and the Jews our dogs". So such demonstrations are understandable.

(For those who are still clueless, check out this link.)

Recent Polls Indicate:"Voters Still Addicted To Pork"

"CTV.ca: Liberals still leading Conservatives, poll finds" - you gotta hand it to the Grits.

All those promises of pork in barrels must've paid off in spades, eh Paulyanna?

35% of Canadians would vote for you, while 30% would vote for the Man in the White Hat.

To all those people still voting Grit, ask yourselves these.

"A better strain of Pork? Goody goody!"

Would you rather pay for the goodies now or later?

Would you rather have a leader who inspires rather than one who caters?

Do you believe in making reasonable sacrifices?

Are you not afraid of Americans?

Would you prefer to defend your country rather than have someone else do that for you?

Do you prefer to earn your entitlements rather than just simply be entitled to them?

Think about them. Then reconsider your choice.

File Under "Newly Dead"...Jessica Simpson Now Up For Grabs!

Jess and Whatshisface: As real and true as a Liberal promise.

This is definitely old news - especially if you've been stuffing your face with tabloid media for the past few months. But it's worth a mention if only because I've been praying for the termination of that overglorified infomercial called "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica".

Everyone knows about it - has-been teen-pop wannabes Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson get hitched and started to consumate their unholy matrimony in front of all these cameras. Whether this stunt was meant to improve their sagging pop-star images or not, it exposed Nick as being a bit of a dick and Jessica as a bit of a ditz. Which is a bit like saying that Michael Moore is a bit of a liberal moonbat.

But now... the Newlyweds are "Newlydead"!

Of course... you have all those rumours about Nick having a serious problem keeping his thing in his pants in face of all temptation. But then again, if I were saddled with a blonde space-cadet with room-temperature IQ, I'd be on the hunt for better specimens myself.

But on the upside (or downside), Jess is up for grabs again. Potential handlers suitors should posses high intelligence, degrees in child psychology and psychiatry, must work well under intense stress and have assets in form of lion-taming, preschool education and Mafia strongarm tactics (to deal with in-laws). Physical and sexual endowments are also assets but shouldn't be seen as necessities.

As for Nick - who cares!

PS: for those still stunned by the news, a little "reality-check".

Your AdScam Dollars At Work.

"I am so smart... S-M-R-T!"

The no-confidence vote didn't seem to faze the Martinites that much, especially since they came out of the gate running with a nice little political advert.

Quoting a series of recent news headlines, the 30-second television ad touts the accomplishments of Paul Martin's short-lived Liberal minority government.

From the 30-year record low unemployment rate set in October to Ottawa's $18-billion health-care deal with the premiers, the ad employs a simple style designed to evoke headlines torn from newspapers' front pages.

Eschewing voiceover in favour of a pulsating instrumental soundtrack, the ad cites the Edmonton Journal as it trumpets "Martin's tough stand on softwood starts to pay."

Then, presenting a quote from The Globe and Mail, the ad says "Every tax payer would see a benefit at tax time."

As the final headline flashes onto screen -- lauding Canada's "hot" housing market, "solid" economy and low interest rates -- a woman's voice announces: "There's nothing minor about the accomplishments of Paul Martin's minority government."

What it fails to mention is the fact that all these good things happened in spite of the minority government's efforts. Whatever the Grits gave, they did it as either as an afterthought or a pork-barrel obligation.

By Canadian law, all the parties have the opportunity to present their platforms in a timely manner. It will be very interesting when the Tories start firing their salvoes.

Will Aurora-Newmarket Handle Any More BS?

"I'll show that bitch Nicole Ritchie... wait a minute. What am I again?"

According to the journos covering this fairly affluent riding, BS has her work cut out after defecting to Paulyanna's ship last spring.

When she was elected to the House of Commons in the last election, the constituents wanted a Tory to represent their best interests.

But BS, being the Paris Hilton of Canadian politics, preferred to see her name in the papers more than representing the riding, which includes the Ontarian cities of Aurora and Newmarket, plus other chunks of the York Regional Municipality.

"I may have changed political parties but I never changed the principles that I stand for," Stronach told CTV's Austin Delaney on Tuesday.

But that's not enough to satisfy some Conservatives who felt betrayed and are now out for revenge.

"What it brought back was the whole cynicism and disillusionment of the Canadian public about politicians," Conservative candidate Lois Brown said Tuesday while on the campaign trail.

Brown, who Stronach narrowly beat for the Tory nomination in the 2004 campaign, is ready to take on the millionaire and former Magna CEO. She began campaigning even before the writ was dropped.

But the calls for Stronach's downfall don't seem to be troubling the Liberal MP.

"First of all they've got to have a lot more than just 'Dump Belinda' on their platform," Stronach said.

Well, BS... they do. And in spades.

Take my advice: go back to auto parts. Leave the politics to real people.