Saturday, January 07, 2006

Hometown Diary:
Hungover Thoughts At The
Dawning Of 2006

Okay... so I didn't party on the 31st. I managed to get a nasty cold on Thursday, received friends on Friday while hacking out my entire respiratory system and took enough Buckley's Mixture to humble all the inmates at Abu Gharib and Guantanamo Bay. The cough syrup is the most vile thing ever concocted by a Canadian (or any other human being, for that matter), but it kept me from being confined to bed and ensured that I talked for longer periods of time between seizures.

I've never experienced such worse timing for a long time, but since this is modern-day Southern Ontario, swarms of bugs at this time of year are the norm. More people equals more problems, and I've managed to catch one of them. As a result, a NYE get-together was forfeited, I get pissed off at the world and Mr. Buckley gets a few dollars richer. Thank me.

I am still working on the list of 2005 grievances. Given the limitations of web time and personal funds, I probably won't get that done until the end of this month. There are too many players that passed through my own private annus horribilis, and at this point I have better things to complain about.

For example, the Boxing Day shooting that I've mentioned in the last post would've never been publicised if the young victim were either a) a young black male; b) an elderly black male; c) a young black female; d) an elderly black female; e) anyone who might be of a "visible minority"; f) a cop; or g) anyone with a non-European name. If it took the death of a 15-year-old "bright light" to mobilize an entire city against "gun violence" (read: terrorism), then we have a serious problem here, kids. All the other young, dumb idiots who wound up meeting their Maker sooner than their due date get nothing more than a sigh and a shrug. A kid shot dead at a friend's funeral raised a few howls of disgust before getting passed off as another grim statistic of gun-crazy stupidity. Liberal politicians pass the blame off on the Yanquis (you may never know - the CIA, Feemasons and International Jewelry have gotten away with worse), poverty, the lack of after-school programs and deprivations of hugs, kisses and whores, but never on the failure of out-of-touch educational paradigms and a justice system hell-bent on loving the prisoner to redemption. And since this is Election Time, you can bet that the wave of auto-prostitution posing as campaigning will milk the issue for what it's worth.

Which brings me to the upcoming Federal election: what's up with this scandal involving this Ralph Goodale dude? Another AdScam in the making? Shall we call Mr. John Gomery to the rescue to place the blame on anyone other than Ralph Goodale? Can anyone sense a conspiracy by the Opposition, NDP or BQ, or are we just too jittery because we know that the Liberals will get Yet Another Mandate, no matter what? Paulyanna is standing by his man - if he could get away with murder, maybe Ralphie-boy will receive the OJ Simpson treatment as well. This is yet one more Can-scandal that certain portions of the blogosphere will cover.

Ahhh yes. The blogosphere - receptacle of perception and debate which screams "THIS IS MY TRUTH - SHOW ME YOURS" before degenerating into finger-pointing, innuendo and invective. I actually love it so much that I've manage to neglect my website, along with my domain. Whether I should move all my stuff to somewhere safer is another issue for another time. But the one thing that sets me off about blogging is that quite a few of them preach to the choir. For every Matthew Good, LGF and Michelle Malkin stating an argument, there are many who prefer to be panderers than missionaries. I am sick of the argument that people will find the truth out for themselves, that they will experience epiphany on their own. THIS IS WAR! A PHILOSPOPHICAL JIHAD! AN ETERNAL BATTLE FOR THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF SENTIENT SOULS! If bloggers don't start to educate and indoctrinate the porous, malleable minds of the casual lurker, then the Terrorists of Ignorance and Denial will win. The more bloggers on the Left and the Right pound their chests and rattle their sabres, the less relevant, inspirational and convincing they become. And they say that we are nuts, eh?

But thank G-d that I have my health and sanity. This old dog will be learning new dirty tricks in '06 and there's no way that anyone can stop my march to World Domination. Yes, Munchkins... I may go off the handle once in a while, and I might even utter an archaic, evil, vulgar curse or two against my enemies, both real and perceived, but it's mainly because I care a lot, and I hope that you, the impressionable surfers, will embark with me on this mad journey.

And in the end, Paul Martin will be PWNED! Thank me.

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