Sunday Rant: Watching the Oscars

So I ask myself... what the hell, I'll watch the Oscars tonight and see find out what movie shall come out on top.

So anyways... let's do a play-by-play, okay? (Times in AST)

21:55 - after "The Aviator" received a statue for art direction and Morgan Freeman got his for "Million Dollar Baby", Robin Williams redid his HBO schtick before presenting the Oscar for the best animated feature, which went to "The Incredibles". Chris Rock suggested an urban version for next year called "The A-i-iights". Aiiight!

22:07 - so that Lemony Snicket movie got the nod for best makeup, presented by former Elven diva Cate Blanchett. And Beyoncé! sang a song in French.

22:10 - Chris Rock took to the massive asking what's the best flick in their opinion. Slightly lame-o-rama except for that last shot with Martin Lawrence. And why couldn't they broadcat the technical awards, eh?

22:15 - froggy Pierce Brosnan brings out Edna from "The Incredibles" to present the best costume award. "The Aviator" got the nod.

22:20 - so far, so good. Best supporting actresses tend to get just as much respect as best supporting actors, meaning that they a) have managed to get their collective foot in the door for bigger roles; or b) their careers are in decline. Whatever... ex-Elf Blanchett got the paperweight for "The Aviator".

22:26 - giving respect to those who passed before... Johnny Carson gets honoured for his contribution to the Oscars. The man is greatly missed. May nobody ever fill his shoes.

22:29 - Leonardo DiCaprio gets up and gets down with the best documentary award. Why didn't "Super Size Me" didn't win. That flick is so fucking hilarious. In fact, light years funnier than this year's winner, "Born Into Brothels". Oh well... at least "Fahrenheit 9/11" didn't get nominated, thank Satan.

22:33 - Kirsten "Mary-Jane" Dunst and Orlando "Legolas" Bloom gave a statuette to "The Aviator" for the best editing award. I suspect that this flick will get more of these things by the end of the evening.

22:35 - ahhh... finally some decent tunes in the form of "The Counting Crows". It's good to see Adam Duritz getting over Jennifer Aniston by singing "Accidentally in Love" from "Shrek 2". Cut to lame Canuck commercials.

22:43 - another lame shot in the form of Adam Sandler, who was stuck without Catherine Zeta Jones. Chris filled in for her. Lame hilarity ensued. Afterwards, "Sideways" got the best adaptation award.

22:46 - vis effects: tough call with all these films, but in the end "Spiderman 2" got the statue from Zhao Ziyang and som guy whose name I forgot. I noticed that all the acceptance speeches were mercifully short. Obviously, everyone's time is of the essence tonight.

22:50 - Al Pacino honours Sydney Lumet for his lifetime achievment to the movie industry. Added some personal testimony from his work in "Dog Day Afternoon" - that movie rawked. So did quite a few other movies that are too many for me to name.

23:04 - Beyoncé! sings again, this time a song from "The Phantom of the Opera" called "Learn to be Lonely". Can't they get another singer instead?

Of course, I didn't go see "Phantom", the movie.

After the song, Chris noted that all the winners didn't test postive for steroid use.

23:10 - Andrea Arnold gets the nod for "The Wasp" in the best live action short, stating that this is the dog's bollocks. Exactly that. On US television. Beat that, FCC!

23:13 - Canada, Montreal, the NFB and Seneca College gets props from the winner for the best animated short.

23:14 - Cinematography nod: "The Aviator". Most important for the winner, since his mom's been in the hospital for 45 days. My prayers go to them.

23:16 - more lame Canuck commercials.

23:21 - Penelope Cruz. Selma Hayek. Sound design. Unfortunately, my mono t.v. couldn't tell me which movie sounded better. "Ray" got the nod.

23:28 - time for me to get to bed. It's going to be a loooonnnnng freakin' day on the ship. I suspect that "The Aviator" will win shitloads of statuettes this year. Gotta remind myself to get the DVD.

Signing off. There you go. You're on your own, Pilgrim.

Belated Rantage 1 -The end result of thinking with your nuts.

(Done up: 17 Dec 04)

Remember this name: Sleiman Elmerhebi.

His picture should be in a dictionary accompanying the definition for "fucktard".

You see, this misbegotten, young, dumb and full-of-cum Scheißkopf firebombed the United Talmud Torah Hebrew School last April after hearing news that his beloved hero, Hamas leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, was executed (not ambushed and killed, amigoes) by the infidel Is-raw-eelies. And on this day, he pleaded guilty.

A note left at the school after the fire said the attack was in retaliation for Israel's killing of Hamas leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin.

"Here is the consequence of your crimes and your occupation," said the note, which Elmerhebi admitted writing.

"Here is the riposte to your assassinations. Here is where terrorist Ariel Sharon has led you."

Oh... so Elmer-headcase has decided to foist the collective responsibilty onto the heads of Jewish children. Such as bold and bright move, clitwit.

And it's so obvious that this is where a total lack of anger management and a plentiful supply of Islamidiocy has led Slimy Elmerglue.

And as per usual, the parents came to their misbegotten's aid...

Khaled Elmerhebi, the accused's father, told Quebec court Judge Jean Sirois that his son is a good person who made a mistake.

"Please do not incarcerate him," the 51-year truck driver, a Lebanese immigrant, told the court.

"I apologize for his actions. I hope you impose difficult (probation) conditions."

This definitely brings to mind Maria Anna Schicklgruber's assertions that her son, Adolf, was a good person who made a mistake. Like being born alive.

The simple reason why Spunkwit did what he did was because there were little Jooish kids to kill. His regret was not bagging them, that's all.

So here's a big "SUCK MY DICK, BITCH" to Sleiman, who'll soon find out what it really feels like to be shaheed up the ass in prison.

Fucktard.

Soon to come... "SPIT ON THE TROOPS WHEN THEY COME HOME!"

Hatz off to His Divine Satanic Audacity, Emperor Darth Misha I and his realm (and my playground of choice) "The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler" for this exposure of an anti-magnet site.

All across the USA, cars have been sporting yellow ribbon magnets saying "Support Our Troops". I've got to see lots of them while in Florida, and yes, I DO find them to be a bit tacky.

But I also DO draw the line between criticism and criminality. Not only does this site encourage stealing these magnets off cars: it also encourages vandalism in the form of posting various anti-war messages.

I can understand activism and the right to free expression, but 2 things must be understood...

1. Stealing is a crime; and


2. Vandalism is a crime.

Need I say more? There you go.

UPDATE (26 Feb 05) - disregard that above link... it seems that someone got smart and nuked the project.

At least you're spared any humility. As for me, I feel like an ass.

Little Pauly Poopypants steps up to the plate(and stumbles...)

Awww... lookit! Little Pauly Poopypants has landed in Brussels, Belgium to sit in with big boys like Georgie Dubya, Jack She-rag, Gary Shredder and that Limey Primey Minister Tone-Loc Glare.

Brussels, as we all should know, aside from being the capital of Yer-Rope, is also where Brussels Sprouts come from. And we all know that Brussels Sprouts are good for you, right Misha?

Of course, Little Pauly wanted to make a big splash at one of the biggest parties held in the city, the NATO Conference, where big boy Dubya gave a speech stressing unity amongst the Allies and co-operation in rebuilding I-Rack. After the speech, Little Pauly had the opportunity to make an impact with a few choice words of his own...

"I thought it was a very positive speech," said Martin, who has kept a low profile since arriving in Belgium, "But, I also think he echoed the view of a lot of us that there are a lot of issues which we've got to discuss in depth."

The prime minister did sound an optimistic note, saying Bush's speech marks a turning point in the history of the alliance, which strained to the breaking point over the war in Iraq.

"I think what you're seeing is a rejuvenated NATO, one that is not simply a military alliance, one that has a political role to play," he said.

Not too surprisingly, Pauly showed his proven talent in impressively stating the obvious by creatively recycling all the obvious points. But then again, Little Pauly loves being Prime Minister of Cana-Duh, and he is eager to show his enthusiasm by talking to all the other big boys in the party. No stressful fence-mending or negotiating here: Little Pauly does not want anything to spoil his fun in Brussels.

Not to be outdone, his minister for External Affairs, Peter Petty-grows has this to say about Little Pauly's objectives (and accomplishments - after all, he is the prime minister of Cana-Duh)...

"It is a very natural role for Canada to play a bridge between the United States and the European Union," he said.

"We have a lot of friends in Europe. We are highly regarded on the positions we've taken. At the same time, we are the United States' immediate neighbour, their best friend."

Remember... not all of Cana-Duh's friends are Dubya's friends, and rather than go through the agony of negotiating with the likes Jack and Gary, Little Pauly decided to leave the talking to Dubya.

And anyways, an article in some obscure Briddish magazine called the Economist recently labeled Little Pauly "Mr. Dithers" and said that he was having trouble being prime miniter of Cana-Duh. That really hurt Little Pauly (oooohhhh... poor little muffin) and he had some very close assistants answering questions with regards to the Economist, because Little Pauly loves being prime minister of Cana-Duh, and that article gave him a big boo-boo to his fragile little ego.

But not to worry. When the party is over, Little Pauly can fly back to icy, little Ottawa and say, as always, that he has accomplished great things, no matter how big or small, important or insignificant, relavant or not.

He can do that because... HE LOVES BEING THE PRIME MINISTER.

And now... I must go to bed, because I don't want to miss Hell freezing over when Little Pauly actually gets around to doing anything significant.

File under...LIKE... DUHH!

A Senate commitee was told that the Canadian Forces should have the means to deploy troops in an effective manner, even if it means using amphibious landing ships to carry it out.

Former Navy officer Richard Gimblett told that these ships could be acquired from the US Navy either as rentals or lend-lease items, thus giving soldiers expanded, enhanced capabilities.

"I don't like to use the word marines, because that conjures up visions of the United States marines landing on Okinawa," he said. "These would be sea soldiers."

He said his idea wouldn't involve troops storming ashore like something out of Saving Private Ryan. "For one thing, there aren't that many fortified beaches in the world."

But he does envisage landing against some opposition.

"The troops should be prepared to meet and project violence when they land," he said.

Although there has been talk about using "Made in Canada" designs - a long and arduous process in a country not necessarily known for warship-building capabilities, Gimblett suggested the lend-lease route as a better option.

"To try to design and produce our own, it adds years to the procurement," he said. "There are a lot of good designs out there."

When you consider that fact that virtually most navies have non-native designed warships in the water (i.e. the German MEKO A Class corvettes designed for the Malaysian and South African navies), this may not be a bad idea after all.

All that you have to do is contract a shipyard to take care of some modifications - because Canada has interesting climates and needs - and Bob's your uncle.

I wonder if Little Pauly Poopypants can see some of the logic here - after all, we are a special country with special needs, right, Pauly Poo?

He'll get around. I hope.

The Gonzo is Dead...LONG LIVE GONZO!

Self-inflicted gunshot wound.

I thought he would simply ride off into a psychadelic sunset, or at least crash his car under a peyote haze.

But Hunter S. Thompson, in his life, dared to be different.

Unfortunately, I could only acknowledge his existence through his reputation and not his works.

Maybe I should buy some of his tomes in his honour: it's the least that I could do.

As per usual - all my condolences go out to his friends, family - Hell, even his enemies, too.

Because what use is an adversary if he's dead?

Respect.

William Hung inna Romanian Stylee, Mon!

Yes, my fellow fuckers - you've heard and read about buddy lip-synching (a la Ghastly Simpson) to this Eurotrash disco tune on his webcam.

Too hilarious for words, eh?

But have you ever wondered what the fuck he was lip-synching about?

For those who don't know, he was miming to a tune called "Dragostea Din Tei", translated roughly as "Love from the Linden Trees", performed by N'Sync wannabes O-Zone. The lyrics can be found right here - living proof that Dracula's descendants can be just as sappy as anything churned out by Disney's bubblegum puppy mills.

Of course, another version of this tune was covered by a certain Paula Mitrache, an ex-Miss Bucharest who records under the moniker "Haiducii", but I found it to be a bit lame compared to O-Zone's quirky rendition.

If you want to see O-Zone's video clip, click here for a slightly different mix. Be forewarned - these guys have a slightly bigger budget than buddy's, hence the over-the-top graphics (and copyright infringements).

Thankfully, a Romanian pop invasion won't be imminent any time soon, so breathe easy.

"Stupid Left, Satanic Left"

Via FrontPage Magazine, Moonbat Central explains the 2 flavours of leftism. An interesting read for all those who may have read my own rant on the Left.

Generally: Stupid Left = Stupid People / Satanic Left = Satanic People.

Not much to comment on: everyone knows that the Left need to experience a little bit of common sense. And reality.

Valentine's Day Rant Massacre!

Happy Valentine's Day, all you romantic spastics, whether you may be attached or not.

Some of you may have outgrown the silliness involved in sending paper "heart" cutouts, chemically altered "red roses" that seem to last well beyond their normal life expectancy and overpriced "Belgian" chocolates (usually made in some state-of-the-art plant in Dartmouth, NS for all I care). But there are those of you who still go googly-eyed at such cutesie wootsie thingies like teddy bears from Vermont... oh, yeah! You know what I mean, Bros: women LOVE teddy bears, and if you haven't bought your honeys one AT LEAST ONCE, then you might as well get yourselves re-acquainted with the Palm sisters for the next couple of weeks or so.

I've been going through a very serious drought since the 90's, so that kind of dilemma hasn't affected me that much. Plus I have the added bonus of being saddled with the most obnoxious flu that I could only wish on my worst of enemies (I get pretty fucking vindictive and vituperative when sick, so if you value your precious life...) This despite having received a flu shot in December, for Fuck sakes (I bet those bastards at Sick Bay injected me with a placebo, or something...) Having invested over CDN$50 on drugs, vitamins and Buckley's Mixture doen't put me in the mood for anything requiring great mental or physical exertion, so the most I can do for Valentine's Day is write this article, just because I still can.

So... fuck you, flu. Thanks for ruining my Valentine's.

Our Beloved U.N. - from bad to worse

Michelle Malkin - with the help from others, of course - has uncovered yet another shitstorm involving our beloved United Nations.

You know... the same United Nations that previous and current Liberal regimes have lionized and supported over the years.

The very same United Nations that Jean Chretien depended on for advice on Iraq.

The same United Nations that we send our troops for missions around the world.

ABC delved into this sick matter by following some of the fine UN workers to a bar where hookers and booze were available. At the end of the night, they loaded the hookers into a van and drove away.

Even worse is this allegation...

One 14-year-old girl from Bunia was on her way to the village well for water, local police said, when two blue-helmeted U.N. troops, from Morocco, stopped her. One of the soldiers raped her, she said.

"We know that these people came to bring peace to this country," Dieudonne Shabani, the victim's mother, told ABC News. "So how come the same men who come to bring peace are doing this to my daughter? It really revolted me."

The family took their devastated daughter to the police and a doctor from an aid group filed a rape report with the United Nations. The next day, the family said the Moroccan commander from the United Nations came and insulted them by offering money for the case to be dropped. Nothing has been heard since.

At this point, said the Rev. Alfred Buju, the town's Catholic priest, the people fear the U.N. personnel.

"They're saying even to young girls, be careful to not be taken by those peacekeepers," he said.

After almost 60 years of existence, the U.N. is starting to collapse piece by piece. What started off as a noble idea has degenerated into another bloated beaurocracy co-opted by tyrannies and gangsters, and even its diehard supporters are starting to have second thoughts about commiting themselves to another mission. One more scandal might wind up destroying the organization altogether.

Omar Khadr is a Fucking Traitor!(And he should fucking die for this!)

It took a Yank (that pesky, perky Michelle Malkin) to get me off my arse to rant about this sad, fucked-up state of affairs. So here's my take on this bullshit...

We up here in Canada have been hearing stories about poor, little Omar Khadr, who was caught by the forces of the Great Satan in the Promised Land, Afghanistan.

He was part of a group of freedom fighters who ambushed the Zionist stooges' convoy, killing one evil hellspawn who went by the "name" of "Sgt. First Class Christopher Speer" and (unfortuantely) injured many more.

Of course, the CBC did an interview with the Khadr family a little while back, who, with one exception, proved that they were such fine examples of Canadian citizenship - such a wonder to behold.

(Matriarch Maha Khadr, and 23-year old daughter, Zaynab) have always claimed that Ahmed Said Khadr (family patriarch, who was killed in Pakistan in October 2003 while working in an al-Qaeda compound) was not a terrorist. But now they say that he was proud to die as a shaheed, a martyr, a soldier of Islam.

"We believe that death comes when God had planned it, before He created the humanity, it's planned, so I just accept, [but] it hurt," Maha said.

"We believe dying by the hand of your enemy because you believe in… you're doing it in the way of Allah, that it's the best way to die," Zaynab told CBC. "My father had always wished that he would be killed… he would be killed for the sake of Allah. I remember when we were very young he would say, if you guys love me, pray for me that I get jihaded, which is killed."

What a great affirmation of Canadian, multicultural values - come in as political/religious refugees and maintain your identity and beliefs, even if they involve death and murder.

Maha is proud of Omar. "Of course. He defended himself," she says. "He just did not give any – you know, I thought they were very simple kids."

"If you were in that situation what would you have done? I must ask everybody that," Zaynab says...

"He'd been bombarded for hours. Three of his friends who were with him had been killed. He was the only sole survivor. What do you expect him to do, come up with his hands in the air? I mean it's a war. They're shooting at him. Why can't he shoot at you? If you killed three, why can't he kill one? Why is it, why does nobody say you killed three of his friends? Why does everybody say you killed an American soldier? Big deal."

Like, yeah! What's the big fucking deal about starting an ambush that killed an American soldier and getting 3 of your buds iced in return? It's called WAR, of course, and worse things have happened in other conflicts.

The problem seems to be that we pride ourselves in being democratic and tolerant, but when we hear such shit being spewed on our airwaves by those who were supposed to be our fellow citizens about dying for Allah in return for killing some of our own troops, I'd be damned if many people wouldn't be pissed off to the fucking max over it.

It's this shallow accusation of "torture" by loyal Canadian Omar Khadr that really steams me. He should be so damn lucky not to get his head sawn off just like prisoners held by his allies over in Iraq.

This loyal Canadian shouldn't have gotten entangled with this al-Qaeda mess, but it seemed that his family, from Patriarch on down, wanted to follow such a path, and that fucker chose it out of his own volition. Rather than sit this whole mess out, the loyal Khadrs decided, as loyal Canadians, to bite off the feeding hand and try to kill the feeder.

If Khadr was really being tortured in "Gitmo", he should be so fucking lucky that he's been allowed to live.

Somehow, one is tempted to say that the Americans should've done unto others what they were doing unto them. One is tempted to wish that these poor prisoners should be slowly cut into pieces as a warning for others.

If you think that's gross and cruel, read this: you can't win any war with kindness and civility, and sadly, the Yanks are getting it more wrong every day.

"What do you mean we're not invited?"

Hats off to the insane MoFoz at Little Green Footballs (which I believe is a euphemysm for "hand grenades", but, hey! I digress...) for this nice little entry about an anti-terrorism conference in Saudi Arabia.

This is, of course, akin to having a serial child molester host a seminar about protecting your children from online predators. Saudi Arabia has been suspected of sponsoring Islamist terror groups.

Therefore - not surprisingly - Israel has been left out of the picture. The Yanks will be coming. So will the Germans, the Chinese, the French and the Turks. All-in-all, 50 countries, plus various international organizations have been scheduled to participate in the four-day event.

But Jüden verboten! WTF?

Israel, not too surprisingly, has the most experience dealing with terrorists and unrest. Its government agencies managed to make sure that life goes on in the Jewish state in spite of suicide bombings and the occasional all-out war (1973 "Yom Kippur" war, anyone?) So there should be no valid reason whatsoever to bar the Jewish State from the conference. Right?

Four workshops will be held... at the King Faisal Conference Hall of the Intercontinental Hotel. Delegates from Egypt, Japan, Germany and Turkey will participate in the first workshop entitled, “Roots of Terrorist Thought”...

Methinks that they will use the "Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion" as the root of all evil.

Sadly, by excluding Israel, the conference is depriving itself of true first-hand experience. After all, its founders were victims of state-sponsored terrorism themselves...

Oh, fuck off, Garofalo (or... "That time of month, eh Janeane?")

Hats off to Michael King's Ramblings' Journal, the unsinkable Michelle Malkin, and millions upon millions of blogheads who picked up on Janeane Garofalo's moonbatty meltdown on MSNBC's After Hours.

For those (like moi) who missed it, here's a recap courtesy of Kevin McCullough...

Janeane's pre-menstrual tic - EXPOSED!

... she says it means the same thing as the show of solidarity with the Iraqi voters that many bloggers, citizens and lawmakers had taken.

So Iraqi and Kurdish voters are NAZIS, eh Janeane? So what makes Mr. Saddam Hussein - FDR? MLK? JFK? WTF?

If so, then I must be a Nazi, too.

Can you imagine what my father (who be in Heaven) would say? How the fuck would my superiors in Maritime Command deal with a Hitlerite like me? Think about it.

And since Janeane ceased being funny after the Ben Stiller Show (RIP), she had nowhere to go but to the loving arms of Air Amerika, God love 'em.

What does Comrade G. have to say about her outburst?

The inked fingers and the position of them, which is gonna be a "Daily Show" photo already, of them signaling in this manner [does the Nazi salute], as if they have solidarity with the Iraqis who braved physical threats against their lives to vote as if somehow these inked-fingered Republicans have something to do with that. And also, the bit of theater about the very distraught parents of the soldier who had died, the point is not if this was a real moment, if it was staged, if it was PR. The point is, is those parents and their son were misled about why that young man went into Iraq. And when he wrote a letter to his mother saying, "It's my job to protect you now," protect her from what? The imminent threat of Saddam Hussein and his weapons of mass destruction? So don't bring up, "Is it helpful if the Democrats make some noise" when they're being lied to. That's not helpful, that's not helpful to pundits like you maybe, but it is not helpful to the country when a Republican President and his partisan Republican Party continue to perpetuate myth and dishonesty on the country.

Uhhh... okay. So, what's the fucking point?

Or more precisely, "What the motherfuck are you talking about, Janeane?"

So far, the United States have not experienced any attacks on its soil since 9/11/01. Maybe its because those freedom-loving al-Qaeda warriors are being sent a message saying, "YOU GOT SERVED, PUNK!"

Firstly - just because WMD's have not turned up in Iraq doesn't mean that they've never existed. Our previous assumption was that Arabs were incapable of complex cloak-and-dagger tactics of deception and subterfuge. Translation: they knew that the Coalition was going to come knocking anytime, so might as well get rid of any incrimiating evidence and hide them elsewhere. So... the question shouldn't have been "Did Saddam have WMD's?" but "Where did Saddam hide the WMD's?" In other words - if they ain't here, they're somewhere else.

This same kind of assumption led to 9/11, BTW.

Anyways, there's more to the story than what meets the proverbial eye, so click on the links.

As for Janeane - get some help. Or at least change your tampon once in a while.

Fidel Castro IS deranged!!

Oh, Fidel. Into the yeyo again, eh Comrade?

What's this shit about you saying that Cubans are living in "heaven"?

Cuban President Fidel Castro said Tuesday that President George W. Bush appears deranged and Cubans would much rather live in the Caribbean island's "heaven" than try and survive in Bush's corrupt, capitalist "hell."

I dunno, Comrade... I spent over 2 weeks in FL, and the only hell I experienced was watching that fucking Orange Bowl game. Thank God you didn't get to see it.

Castro criticized Bush's government, linking it to corruption and torture. He then defended Cuba's socialist system, which Bush's administration has openly said should be replaced with a capitalist one.

"This country is heaven, in the spiritual sense of the word," Castro said.

Shit! You DID watch the Orange Bowl! On the basis of the Sooners' piss-poor performance against an apperently strong USC team, Bush is sure to be blamed.

And, yes Comrade, your country is "heaven" - for Canadian tourists willing to save a few Loonies, toasting out in the Carribean sun tossing back complimentary Cuba Libres.

Never mind that not all Cubans are libres, unless they are either related or well-connected to el Jefe, but who gives a fuck, eh? This is HEAVEN!!!

And after dark, some of the men would look for dates - armed with Greenbacks, of course. You can tell that Cuba's women really work hard for their money. After all - THIS IS HEAVEN!!!

If Pyongyang were much closer, we'd vacation there, too. And it would also be heaven.

And what about the EU's decision to ease sanctions on your paradise, Comrade? What about it?

The EU's new policy, which demands the release of all imprisoned dissidents, is up for review in July.

"They are treating us...as if we were condemned to a death sentence," using these months to "observe how I behave," Castro said.

Cuba "doesn't need the United States, it doesn't need Europe," he added.

"What a wonderful thing to be able to say, that (Cuba) doesn't need any assistance - it's learned to live without it."

Olé! In the spirit of Juche and Albanian Socialist Self-Reliance, you have managed to starve - er, encourage your country to be the self-sustaining powerhouse that only the most criminally deranged, despotic psycopaths could dream of.

Hats off to you, Comrade, for endangering your fragile health by standing up for 5 hours telling delegates at an "international pedagogy conference" that Cuba is a paradise for all to fucking behold.

Now sit down and shut the fuck up! Your time is gonna come...