Saturday, December 10, 2005

Erection 2006:
Paulyanna Discovers
The Clintoris!

You kind of wonder why W is getting his Texas knickers in a knot over Paulyanna's diatribes about his country's lack of dedication to the Koyoto Protocols regarding global warming?

Normally, W would've laughed it off and said that Paulyanna should take a nice cup of "take a lude, dude".

However, let's go back a few years when ShawiniMan ruled the Maple Leaf Land of Make-Believe.

ShawiniMan and the Clintoris:
2-gether 4-ever xoxoxo

And for one brief, shining moment, he discovered the Clintoris. And the two great nations lived as siamese-twin brothers, joined at the hip in pure NAFTA bliss.

It's a bit hard who influenced whom: did ShawiniMan convince the Clint that Our medicare's better than theirs? Did the Clint make ShawiniMan complacent about his self-perceived invincibility? We may never know, but ideologically, the two governments were definitively on the same page. We Canucks became more blissfully complacent than our neighbours since we have no enemies (ShawiniMan loves everyone, you know. just because) and we all wanted to be a beacon to enlighten the heathen Southerners.

Then W came in and spoiled the party for the rest of us. Boo. Hiss.

Fast-forward a few years, a intern-cigar incident, a couple of terrorist attacks and some scandal involving ad agencies and some millions of luandered loonies, and Paulyanna seems to be in for a fight of his life. Having promised to ban handguns forthright (no long mandatory prison sentences - he'll lose future Grit party members that way), our Perennial National Wannabe went to Montreal for a global warming conference where he discovers the Clintoris in roughly the same way his predecessor did. Only this time, it was more than mere coincidence, wasn't it?

The Clint and Paulyanna:
Just friends?

Let's be fair at least this once. During ShawiniMan's reign, Paulyanna's voodoo economics kept the Great White North from being an economic basket-case. Okay... so our lower Loony did create problems for Snowbirds, but the Yanks love our cheap shiznat, thus creating trade surpluses year-after-year. Of course, we didn't know that some of that surplus would go into the creation of a national firearms registry, Pork payoffs to favoured Grit ridings, loony-tune national unity initiatives and Québec-based ad agencies. But since the Gomery Inquiry has absolved Paulyanna of any kind of sin (real or perceived), none of this matters.

So our Incumbent Wannabe denies getting too close to the Clint for his re-erection purposes, eh? Remember - this cigar-rapist was in full effect on Paulyanna's watch. And considering all the back-scratching that had happened between the two administrations back-in-the-day, doesn't anyone suspect some conspiracy brewing between the ex-prez and the future ex-PM?

As always, just wondering...

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