Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Hometown Diary:
What In The Name Of Hell
Is Happening To My T-dot??!!!??

One of the reasons
for my rant:
Jane Creba, 1990-2005

This is not my Toronto.

This was not supposed to happen. Especially on Boxing Day, in broad daylight, with a large crowd.

Sadly, it had happened before - once, in 1994.

Just Desserts. Downtown. 1 robbery. 1 shotgun blast. 1 dead.

Not too many people remember Vivi Lemonis nowadays, but because of her, we got really pissed off for a while.

7 years in trial. 2 convictions. 1 acquittal. 1 firearms registry implementation.

Then we all went into a collective stupour.

The guilty party may have gotten long sentences for their trouble, but those stupid enough to grab their dicks with one hand and brandish a sidearm with another still run around, ejaculating full metal jackets, missing their intended targets and eventually killing someone there at the wrong time.

The city's mayor, David Miller, still has no clue what happened on Yonge St. Boxing Day, nor had he any before, nor will he get any after. But asking a Penthouse/Hothouse Socialist to face reality is akin to trying to get a piece of plywood to grow into a tree. Paulyanna is still in an eternal state of denial, blaming this tragedy on society's ills, economy, blah blah blah. If this were true, Prime Minister, then Parkdale, Regent Park, Jane-Finch, Gottingen St. in Halifax, North-End Dartmouth, Vancouver's East End - all of Canada's low-rent districts would've gone up in smoke, engulfed in the flames of frustration and no-brained unfocused rage and confusion. No amount of platitudes by trolling political leaders will undo the damage caused by the Boxing Day showdown.

What happened was not a settling of scores, a redress of grievances or even a show of bravado. This was a terrorist act.

Black or white, brown or yellow - it doesn't matter. People without a moral compass - raised on a diet of bad television, video game consoles and escapist "gangsta" hip-hop videos ressembling nothing more than updated "minstrel shows" with SUV's, 40-ouncers and loose-but-sexy ladies possesing nothing more than a thong, a pulse and a vacant smile - want to relive their fantasies out in the real world without regard for life, limb and consequences. And in the process of dick-grabbing and cap-popping, a little girl gets killed.

It's stuff like this that's pissing me off.

From this point on, it's open season on the wanksters.

They will be hunted down and brought to justice. No amount of lying will get them off. They will all be treated the same.

None of this will make things any better, but maybe someone will think twice before popping off a cap.

If only our leaders had any balls...

Monday, December 26, 2005

What Am I Doing Tonight?
Empire's 1Sound -
"Return Of The Titans"

You people may realise one of the links on the left.

I am a fan of jungle, and one of the Toronto scene's longtime supporters.

Therefore, it's no surprise that tonight, I'll be heading to the soon-to-be-closed System Soundbar for a big blowout featuring the scene's legends such as Lush, Natural MC, Caddy Cad, Marcus (Visionary), Mystical Influence, Sniper, Trajedy, JD, etc., etc.

The main man, Ryan from Hustlin' Beats, has promised that it will be a killer night. As someone who has been away from the T-dot since 2000, it better be killer.

Check out this pic, then decide. If you're in the area, represent!

Big up, Ryan. I'll be there.

Sunday, December 25, 2005


Still a bit off the grid after chilling a little bit too much.

But I'm still compiling a list of people for my Festivus airing of grievances.

So if you're still pissed off about the lack of output, just chill. This Doctor is still operating, only just a few pounds heavier! (heh heh heh)

Meanwhile, email me if you wish - the addy's in my profile.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Off The Freakin' Grid...
For Now.

I'm just about finished packing up my stuff and cleaning up my space before flying off to T-dot this evening.

As a result, there will be no ranting and gnashing of teeth for the time being.

In the meantime, a couple of items to clear out...

  1. If you don't know the New Pornographers, get to know them before they either
    1. get too big;

    2. implode;

    3. get too old; or

    4. any combination or all of the above.
    For all you Can-indy-rawwwk heads, you might recognise one familiar face in their "Use It" vid. I did. If you have the answer, email or IM me (email in profile).

  2. And since this is the most wonderful time of the year, let's set aside our X-mas/Hanukkah/Ramadam/Kwanzaa formalities and revel in the marvel of Festivus and grab an aluminum pole.

    And what better way to celebrate it than "The Airing Of Grievances", to take place on the 23rd. Get your poles ready and yourselves bulked-up: it's going to be nasty-ass!
Anyways... I'm off to bed. See ya on Friday.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Oh, Fuck Off,
Tucker Carlson.

At least he ain't
Michael Crook, thank G-d.
MSNBC's Tucker Carlson thinks that Canada is the "new France".

It's just like saying that polka-dots are the "new blacks": it just doesn't make a lot of sense.

It seems that south of the mythical 49th parallel, the Yanquis are just dissing us, in spite of the fact that after 40 years of "Liberalisation", we are trying to shake off the anti-Yank paranoia.

Now, I'm quite sure that Brother Tucker is a sensible human being and not a frothing at the mouth moonbat. But I do take umbrage at this quote.
Last week, MSNBC host Tucker Carlson told his audience Canada "is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving."

"He's nice, but you don't take him seriously."

And that was just one of the famously right-wing political pundit's rants.

"Anybody with any ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York," he told his audience, insisting it was pointless to tell Canada not to criticize the United States.

"It only eggs them on. Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right?"

"It's unrequited love between Canada and the United States. We, meanwhile, don't even know Canada's name. We pay no attention at all," he said.
How retarded do you think this country is, Brother Tucker?

Let's see... you Yanks became a country in 1776, right.

We came into being - officially - in 1867. A difference of 91 years.

So you might say that in 91 years, we might be a prosperous beacon of conservative democracy.

And yes, living as your neighbour and being a sibling by virtue of a common parentage (Great Britain, just to let you know), we just love to prove ourselves by fighting above our weight-class. Unlike France, we do have a good amount of independance to be creative in our combative skills.

Yes, sometimes our leaders try to play onto our fears of being an American vassal state - no thanks to your MSM, which seems hell-bent on portraying your own country as a cesspool of vice and corruption. Yet these are those amongst us who have no fears of the USA, even though we are proud of our easy access to the basic health care needs (provided that we can still afford it).

Anyways - to make it short - if you Yanquis want to make fun of us, go right ahead. Bring it on, Mother Tucker. We can take it in just as much as we can dish out stuff about you. You can make fun of our socialistic tendancies as much as we can make fun of your flag-waving, Mom-and-apple pie, Stars-and-Stripes, big-business, whoo-ah attitude, combined with your inherant inability to pronounce the last of the alphabet properly and to spell simple words like "theatre" and "neighbour", and the fact that your beer is considered tap-water to us diehard Hosers.

After all, we are all Family, right?

Friday, December 16, 2005

WTF Is Up With The "Big-Ups"?

You probabaly have noticed a nice little table that looks like this...

Big-Up to...

Michelle Malkin,
LGF, The Rott


While this seems to be an exercise in ass-kissing (and it may be so), this actually represent the blogs to which I trackback certain articles.

Generally, these would be articles or blogs that caused me to write all this insane stuff, or where I got all my dis-information.

Think of this as a little thank-you/f-you to the originators and inspirators in the cyberspace.

So... expect more. And then some.

Sometimes, The Daily Kos Gets It Right...

I don't care too much for the Daily Kos, mainly because they're a bit too liberal for me.

But once in a while, someone decides to be on the same page as me.

Iraqi soldiers once had al-Zarqawi but let him go because they didn't "know who he was".

That's a bit fucktarded, and this post mentioned it.

Yes... it was a regrettable mistake - if you consider the thousands of lives lost to this opportunistic madman as being "regrettable". And as usual, the Kos-aks were at their ususal attack-poodle mode.

Here are some snippets...

But... (none / 1)

Catching him would take all the fun out of the War on Terror!

Single-mindedness is all very well in an animal claiming to belong to the same species as Shakespeare it is simply disgraceful. -Aldous Huxley

by Burton on Thu Dec 15, 2005 at 05:00:17 PM PDT
Good grief... (4.00 / 12)

Did they lose their deck of cards?

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. -- Margaret Mead

by ilona on Thu Dec 15, 2005 at 05:00:50 PM PDT
Another Perpetual Boogeyman (4.00 / 2)

Perhaps his release may not have been accidental? Maybe our idea of having a perpetual boogeyman is rubbing off on the Iraqis.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.--Winston Churchill

by Sunqueen212 on Thu Dec 15, 2005 at 05:25:13 PM PDT
My thoughts exactly! Of the billions of dollars (4.00 / 2)

spent in Iraq, we haven't provided "most wanted"
pictures for every soldier, or at every detainment center? Jeeze, not even a damn deck of cards for these guys?

What a sham....this whole mess is like living in the world of Dr. Strangelove, or Catch 22.

We couldn't f&*k this up anymore if we actually tried!

Nothing short of an aroused public can change things, nothing less than democracy is at stake- Bill Moyers

by maggiemae on Thu Dec 15, 2005 at 05:28:04 PM PDT
Iraqi's already know how to fight, (none / 1)

they don't need to be trained to do that.

What they can't be trained to do is to love the occupiers who are there because the President lied to us and wants the brown people's oil.

I Supported the War When I Believed the Lies

by bejammin075 on Thu Dec 15, 2005 at 05:08:17 PM PDT
It sucks when the Enemy points out something that you legitimately screwed up on.

It sure sucks more when they offer constructive criticism.

Big-Up to...

Ace of Spades


NWS Warning: Why Is The MSM Not Reporting Any Good Iraq News.

All throughout the blogosphere, people a complaining about media bias in the Iraq wars.

Right about now, Iraqis have completed voting for a new government.

Right about now, terrorists are on the run.

But the MSM is not reporting enough on the "good" news.

Maybe it's because they're waiting for a photo-op like this...

The use of this pic here is not meant to trivialise such a tragedy, but people running protest sites currently showing it are probably anticipating another such photo-op.

Well, look on the bright side... the girl in the center is alive and well and living in Toronto. She still feels the pain once in a while, but prefers to get on with living.

But I'm quite sure that the MSM has a perverse agenda to get the most lewd, lascivious stories to sell papers (and line reporters' resumés). It may not have anything to do with ideology and indoctrination, but producing pr0n for the massed can be too troublesome.

So to the media drones, get some optimism back into reporting, eh?

What If The "Peanuts" Gang Grew Up?

While trolling through the entertainment section of Yahho News, I stumbled across a review of a play depicting a grown-up version of Good Ol' Charlie Brown's old "Peanuts" gang.

The piece, "Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead,", contains all your favourite characters whose names have been changed to protect the guilty. Winning kudoes in the 2004 New York International Fringe Festival, the play has gone Broadway in a big way.

Royal's play gives us Van, a serious pothead who once was so desperate for weed he smoked his blanket. His older sibling, identified only as Van's sister, has ended up in a padded cell, with the words "The doctor is in," scrawled on the wall. She has become a pyromaniac. After all, she set fire to the little red-haired girl.

Then there are two blond babes with the names of Tricia and Marcy, slutty Valley Girls who are hot for Matt, a hunky, homophobic jock who, to compensate for his pigsty childhood, now has major issues with germs.

CB's bossy baby sister is an on-edge performance artist, given to dressing just like the bride of Frankenstein. We also have Beethoven, a piano-playing nerd confused about his sexuality and the object of major taunting by the rest of the kids, except CB, of course.
If you can fugure out the characters behind the names, you're a better being than I.

Personally, I'd go see the play for Eliza Dushku, just because, eh?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Erection 2006:
Paulyanna Whines Again

In addition to being a bit immature and unable to reign in his stable of jackasses, Paulyanna has been stoking the fires of our favourite disease, anti-Americanism.

"Mommy! The big bad ambassador
hurt me again! BWAAAAH!"

When you share the world's longest, relatively undefended border with the world's lone überpower, you would get slightly paranoid about your neighbour once in a while. In this election campaign, paranoia may be the biggest weapon.

A couple of days ago, the Yanqui ambassador, David Wilkins, scolded the phenomenon.

"I understand political expediency, but the last time I looked, the United States was not on the ballot for the Jan. 23 election," Wilkins told the crowd gathered just steps away from Parliament Hill.

"Just think about this: What if one of our best friends criticized you directly and incorrectly almost relentlessly? What if that friend's agenda was to highlight your perceived flaws while avoiding mentioning your successes? What if that friend demanded respect but offered little in return?" Wilkins asked.

"Wouldn't that begin to sow the seeds of doubt in your mind about the strength of the friendship?"
Of course, that was all in response about Paulyanna's accusations that W was not being Kyoto's bitch as everyone should be these days. Doing that within earshot of the Clintoris didn't help matters any better.

In his defence, Paulyanna whined:

"I have been raising the softwood lumber issue ever since I became prime minister, I have been raising the climate change issue ever since I became prime minister," Martin said Wednesday.

"These issues pre-date the election campaign, but if those issues arise, then I will deal with them as they arise. And I am going to call it as I see it.

Unfortunately, there is a time for diplomacy, and a time for bribing voters. By taking the low road of paranoia pandering, the insufferable incumbent has cheapened himself not only in face of his adversaries, but also his supporters.

How about this tidbit?

When asked what right Martin has to speak about others lacking a global conscience when Canada's track record on greenhouse emissions is far from shining, the Liberal leader simply repeated that the world needs a "new multilateralism."

"We live in a world where other countries, China and India, are rising to the fore, and the fact is, before we start having these huge tectonic giants clashing with each other, we have got to basically put in place rules by which the world is going to govern itself."
Well, excuuuuuuse me, Paulyanna! Back in the day, we took the initiative. We set the standards and expect the world to follow. Why wait for anyone to do it right while there is an opportunity to seize the moment? With that comment, you're implying that we should be bitches to multilateralism, right?

If you wind up getting re-elected with a majority, you should better start taking the initiative and act like a real world leader, not a multilateral lackey.

Whiny maggot.

Big-Up to...

Debbie Schlussel, The Captain's Quarters


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Movie Trailer You've All Been
Waiting For, You Hosers.

If you don't know, get to know.

If you don't have a clue, get one.

The trailer is parked right here, boys (and girls).

Okay. Smokes... let's go!

Erection 2006:
Scott Reid - Jackass

"What the fuck was I drinking, Duuuude?"
For the past couple of days, the Paulyanna Party People have been working overtime to wash the taste of smelly Guccis (or were they Bruno Maglis) out of their potty mouths after Grit communications director made the comment about the beer and popcorn being bought with Steve-O's $1200-a-year/child.

It's one thing to shell out bucks to buy families' votes, but it's another to make mockery of good intentions, especially if the person making the comment is a senior in the party Politburo.

In fact, the recipients would not be spending $25/day on popcorn and beer, Scotty.

They would rather spend it on something a little more worthwhile, like...

  • liquor and whores;

  • Chris Brothers Pepperoni;

  • the "Miami Vice: Season 2" DVD collection (out now!);

  • pot; or

  • surfing internet pr0n.
Well - I never liked Steve-O's idea anyways. I'm quite sure that those who could either afford day-care or stay-at-home care would pass on the bribe in favour of tax credits. Those who couldn't should qualify, though.

Still, Scotty's comments should be a little more subtle. So he did a mea culpa - whoop-ee. I'm sure that the Pork-aholics would still love him anyway.

Any more bright ideas, Steve-O?

F--k Spidey!
Hail The King!

Kudos to Ghost of a Flea for this!

And this...

I'd comment on that...
but it includes the word "head".

Sorry, Peter Parker - someone else is dipping into Mary Jane.

Of course, Kirsten Dunst: worth a bag and tag, and then some.

That's The Way
The Tookie Crumbles

By the time you read this, Crips founder Stanley "Tookie" Williams will have met his maker.

Convicted - beyond reasonable doubt, BTW - of murdering 4 people on different occasions, Tookie has spent much of his death row stay trying to buy time.

And write children's books decrying gang violence.

Now, FrontPage Magazine doesn't have too many nice things to say about a deceptively street guy - had he been Italian, he would make John Gotti look like a pathetic poseur. Tookie knew how to play. And man, did he ever.

Not to mention the fact that everyone, Right and Left, were dealing with a pretty bright (for the most part) mastermind. If it weren't for the drug habit he cultivated during his reign of terror, Tookie would have stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the old guard Mafiosi and the new-skool Thieves-in-Law, Triads and Yardies.

Let's cut the crap. The man is as good as dead, but once there's a vacancy in the leadership, there will be bloodshed on who would be the next ghetto capo di tutti capi. By all accounts, Tookie was a self-made man, and he carried it quite well in the House.

As for the kids' books, I'd really like to read at least one of them. Are they really about fighting the "gang mentality", or are they either thinly veiled recruiting tomes or how-to books for wannabes?

Mumia Abu-Jamal is still on death row.

Rubin "Hurricane" Carter is a free man, but not innocent, and someone in cyberspace may be onto him like white on rice.

Never mind the colour. Think about the crime and the evidence.

Monday, December 12, 2005

All The Same Under The Skin...

Via the blog québecois and courtesy of Admit One is this touching story of a US Marine and a Jihadi "insurgent"™.

Bring your hankies.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

"... as bad as, like, whatever."

Hatz off to Michelle Malkin. (See her blog via my blogroll, you damn sloth!)

Some chap in England has ripped off a Washington Post article regarding some fine examples of nascent literature from the minds of Yanqui high school students.

Some excerpts...

  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. Joseph Romm, Washington
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. Jennifer Hart, Arlington
  • They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y. (Nancy who? - Y2D)
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. Russell Beland, Springfield

There's much more in that link. Like, whatever.

Wintersleep With Brian Borcherdt
And The Ladies And Gentlemen:
The Attic, Halifax, 10 Dec 2005

Last night, rather than engage in some silly, drunken dance-club bacchanalia, I decided to take in some pretty heavy indie-rawwk action over at The Attic (part of Halifax's infamous Dome super-club complex). I was not disappointed in my choice simply because each act is a force majeure on its own.

The opener, Brian Borcherdt, started this evening off with a mostly quiet one-dude-with-a-guitar set, punctuated with the occasional backup courtesy of members of Wintersleep and The Ladies and Gentleman. The T-dot rep's set reminded me of all those drunken basement parties where one dude with a guitar would play his heart out amongst the noise and clamour of schmoozing imbibers. But at least in his case, people started to take serious notice in the end.

Still on the T-dot tip, The Ladies and Gentlemen took pages out of Pavement, the Mars Volta and the Flaming Lips (with some Can-Rawwk detours to the Tragically Hip and the Broken Social Scene) to offer a nice little train-wreck of a set featuring old-school keyboards, hand-claps and airborne tabourines. The stayed out of the emo deathtrap by channeling all that energy through some decent 4-part harmonies, veteran bassist-frontman Thomas D'Arcy's laid-back energy and Kevin Hilliard's madman presence. I'm quite sure that I recognised a couple of guys in the group from being in other projects around the 'dot, but at least the locals in the venue ate it up.

Headliners Wintersleep, the local heroes of the night, put out the mostest, along with cameos from the opening acts (plus the flying tambourines, BTW) for their fellow Haligonians. Like Brian Borcherdt, Wintersleep has put out a few side-projects to keep themselves busy and fresh. Imagine Ten-era Pearl Jam and cross-breed it with Whale Music-era Rheostatics, and you get a very good show. Paul Murphy's Vedder-meets-Tielli vocals accentuate the bleakness of everyday living while Loel Campbell and Jud Haynes provided the rythmic oomph to the songs. Virtually everyone got in on the act way until last call.

All in all, it was a good night and $15+ well-spent. I recommend seeing any of these acts when possible.

And don't forget to buy their stuff while you're at it, eh?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Erection 2006:
Paulyanna Discovers
The Clintoris!

You kind of wonder why W is getting his Texas knickers in a knot over Paulyanna's diatribes about his country's lack of dedication to the Koyoto Protocols regarding global warming?

Normally, W would've laughed it off and said that Paulyanna should take a nice cup of "take a lude, dude".

However, let's go back a few years when ShawiniMan ruled the Maple Leaf Land of Make-Believe.

ShawiniMan and the Clintoris:
2-gether 4-ever xoxoxo

And for one brief, shining moment, he discovered the Clintoris. And the two great nations lived as siamese-twin brothers, joined at the hip in pure NAFTA bliss.

It's a bit hard who influenced whom: did ShawiniMan convince the Clint that Our medicare's better than theirs? Did the Clint make ShawiniMan complacent about his self-perceived invincibility? We may never know, but ideologically, the two governments were definitively on the same page. We Canucks became more blissfully complacent than our neighbours since we have no enemies (ShawiniMan loves everyone, you know. just because) and we all wanted to be a beacon to enlighten the heathen Southerners.

Then W came in and spoiled the party for the rest of us. Boo. Hiss.

Fast-forward a few years, a intern-cigar incident, a couple of terrorist attacks and some scandal involving ad agencies and some millions of luandered loonies, and Paulyanna seems to be in for a fight of his life. Having promised to ban handguns forthright (no long mandatory prison sentences - he'll lose future Grit party members that way), our Perennial National Wannabe went to Montreal for a global warming conference where he discovers the Clintoris in roughly the same way his predecessor did. Only this time, it was more than mere coincidence, wasn't it?

The Clint and Paulyanna:
Just friends?

Let's be fair at least this once. During ShawiniMan's reign, Paulyanna's voodoo economics kept the Great White North from being an economic basket-case. Okay... so our lower Loony did create problems for Snowbirds, but the Yanks love our cheap shiznat, thus creating trade surpluses year-after-year. Of course, we didn't know that some of that surplus would go into the creation of a national firearms registry, Pork payoffs to favoured Grit ridings, loony-tune national unity initiatives and Québec-based ad agencies. But since the Gomery Inquiry has absolved Paulyanna of any kind of sin (real or perceived), none of this matters.

So our Incumbent Wannabe denies getting too close to the Clint for his re-erection purposes, eh? Remember - this cigar-rapist was in full effect on Paulyanna's watch. And considering all the back-scratching that had happened between the two administrations back-in-the-day, doesn't anyone suspect some conspiracy brewing between the ex-prez and the future ex-PM?

As always, just wondering...

Dat Krazee Nigga*
Gone 2 Heav'n:
RIP Richard Pryor

He has battled racism, alcohol and drug abuse.

Richard Pryor: 1940-2005

But in the end, the man who inspired millions of comedians and made people laugh and think met an unbeatable and incurable foe in multiple sclerosis.

In spite of this terminal struggle, Richard Pryor never lost his sense of humour and acerbic wit. In the end, regardless of politics and ideology, the world is a poorer place.

We need more people who wield words and languages like swords and shields. We need artists who use syllables to stimulate and activate the masses' synapses. Sadly, there are quite a few comedians who hardly show as much class and grace and tell stories that are bittersweet and twisted as Pryor.

My condolences to his family, friends and those he left behind.

* Let's face it: in my worldview, everyone's a nigga. Word.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow,
Let It Snow, Muthafucka!

Winter finally arrived in Hali at approximately 17:30 last night.

"Ice, Ice, Baby!"

And man, oh man! Was it ever a muthafucka of a snowfall.

It dumped 30cm (1 ft.) here in the city, while the beautiful-in-the-summertime Annapolis Valley got hit with double.

90000+ homes went without power for the good part of last night and this morning.

In the meantime, I have identified 2 places for me to hang my proverbial hat. I'm moving out of quarters and going native.

The prospects are good - the Halifax Regional Municipality has one of the highest vacancy rates in the country, where people from all income brackets are catered.

I'm starting off small until I could establish myself as the "Ruler of the Universe"™. One place offered me a $200 shopping spree at Wal-Mart, while the other has a nice view and cool, blue carpeting.

My target is Dec. 15, so I have to chill before packing 5 years of accumulated shiznit. On top of that, I have to hit the Bargain Hunter for some decent used beds and furnishings. No easy feat, but I, being me, should have almost no trouble getting this project done.

So wish me luck as I move out into the community.

As for the snow, I can't complain much - someone has to pay for the nice and toasty summer weather.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Erection 2006:
So Who Are The Playas?

To anyone outside of Canada, welcome to my fucked-up world site.

As all of us should know by now, we are in midst of an election camplaign. All good Canadians will be able to exercise the democratic right of throwing the bums out of office (or keeping them in power) on 23 January 2006, which is why all the political parties are trying to play Santa Claus with promises of bright, shiny toys and filling us with visions of sugar-plums dancing around our heads.

Canada's MSM have supplied us mortals with 5 parties: the Liberals; the Conservatives; the Bloc Québecois; and the Greens. All of them, except for the Greens, will go head-to-head on a national tv debate in a couple of weeks time.

The exclusion of the Greens and other political parties verges on criminal. Not that I care much for the tree-hugging massive, but at least they derserve to get their voices heard, along with those from other parties. (I'll try to tackle this travesty in another post.)

This site should show you the list of contenders in this winter election season. It may not be the most comprehensive one around, but it's a start.

Erection 2006:
"We've Come For Your Children!"

Paulyanna on daycare:
"How much for ze little girl?"
At what price victory, Steve-O?

On Monday, on the electoral battlefield, you have decided to thow your gauntlet in the ring by promising to shell out $1200/year per child under 6 (after using it to smack the opposition upside their heads repeatedly).

Hell... I didn't know that ankle-biters can now vote. When did that happen?

Promising daycare to anyone with a pulse and some semblance of a synapse is a little bit too freaking generous, especially when you have falmilies that can afford either that or taking care of the kids at home.

Of course, Steve-O, you'll get the challengers off and running and they'll start to outbid and outdo you. Maybe, in the long run, the Enemy will expose itself to be a spend-thrifty opportunitst that should be denied power.

Sadly, by the looks of polls in Scary Ontari-ari-ari-o and Lotustan, people love PORK! And they're afraid that if you got elected, everything will look too freakin Kosher for these trough-aholics to handle.
"Parents can spend the money however they wish. You can choose the child-care option that best suits your family's needs," Harper said.

"It's hard enough to be a parent. But government should help parents with choices not limit them," Harper said.

"In fact, the only people who should be making these choices are parents, not politicians, not the government."
Maybe you should limit that to low-income types, not to spoiled-brat wannabe Yuppy families.

At the same time, Jacko and Paulyanna (don't get me started on Gigli - he just doesn't count as a real Federal candidate) have issued counterproposals to win the Toddler vote...

In the Grit camp, Paulyanna wanted to jack up the $5-billion pledge to $11-billion to the national daycare scheme.

Jacko's peeps are still trying to determine a suitable price-tag for the rugrats.

Meanwhile, the tots are clueless about the candidates' plans to buy their tiny souls.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Erection 2006 (not a typo, trust me):
Come Again, Jacko?

See the title? It just shows how much I really get excited over politics!

"... and I promise to smoke pot
for every chicken..."

But back to the subject at hand, in which we have our valiant NDP leader promising not to raise taxes if elected.

You've read it right. Read Jacko's lips - "No new taxes!"

This tax freeze talk is coming from a socialist, just to let you know.

One who is opposed to tax cuts for corporations... remember, more money to corps = more money to make and sell stuff = more demand = more jobs = more NDP voters. Simple math - and I suck at it!

Meanwhile... more money to us = more stuff to buy = more demand = more jobs = more NDP voters.

See, Jacko... tax cuts are your friends.

With an economist and his own "star" candidate by his side, NDP Leader Jack Layton on Monday opposed new tax cuts promised by the Liberals and Conservatives.

Layton lambasted a Conservative proposal to cut the GST, while promising his party would not raise taxes.
Talk about voodoo economics. It would be lovely not to see my paycheque shrink even further to fund all those "progressive" goodies that Mr. Olivia Chow is promising to an increasingly apathetic electorate. One, like CAW commissar Buzz Hargrove, must take into consideration that the NDP's chances of attaining parliamentary power are considerably better than the Pope converting to Shi'a Islam.

The party was struck a major blow on Friday when Canadian Auto Workers union head Buzz Hargrove threw his support behind the Liberals in ridings where New Democrats have little chance to win. Hargrove said the CAW, whose members traditionally support the NDP, will vote for Liberals in ridings where the NDP can't win in order to keep the Tories from coming into power.
Translation: a) he knows that Jacko ain't gonna be PM anytime soon; and b) Buzz loves Pork.

But of course, Jacko doesn't like to eat out of a pork-barrel, so in comes the Canadian Muslim Congress to the proverbial rescue!

The NDP won endorsement today by the Muslim Canadian Congress, which says the Liberals have taken Muslims for granted for too long. The group says tough federal security measures aimed at Muslims also played a role in the decision to back the NDP.
Translation: Jacko doesn't like Pork, so the Congress endorses him.

Meanwhile, Jacko has snatched a former bank exec to run in one of the Toronto ridings ("electoral districts") against a Grit cabinet minister and a former tv anchorman, Peter Kent.

One is speculating if the star candidate will get his old job back after the election. I am. What about the rest?

WTF: X-tians Baaaad -
Sikhs Gooood?

Sam Morris,
X-Tian Ho'.

The Rott dredged this nice little piece of Veddy Briddish silliness courtesy of one of their posters...

According to this article...

Sam Morris, 16, was reportedly sent home from Sinfin Community School, Derby, after she refused to remove a gold cross on a necklace.

She was told wearing a crucifix was not compulsory for Christians, so the necklace breached dress codes.

Other pupils are allowed to wear kirpan daggers and metal bracelets, as they are classed as religious symbols, said the Daily Express.

GCSE student Sam missed two days of study before her mother Debra Saunders, 37, allowed her to return to school without the necklace.
Translation: X-tianity = Evil; Sikhism = Just As Evil But At Least It Ain't X-tianity!

Just because X-tians (and the Damjooz, BTW) are not bound to wearing talismans doesn't excuse the school from banning them outright.

It's just another example of "whitey guilt" - the act of over-atoning for the sins of their forefathers, the self-flagellation, auto-defenestration of a culture on which their paticular society is based solely because they might "offend" someone.

As someone who is definitely not an X-tian, I find this incident offensive enough to warrant crucifixion, mainly because British civilization, like Anglo North American civilization, is/was based on X-tian, protestant principles.

And for some bizarre reason known only to G-d, Ha-shem Himself, it has prospered and flourished in such a way that English, not French nor Spanish nor Latin, has become the dominant lingua franca today. That, on its own, is sufficient ammo for the British Israelists.

As one great Dr. has said...

Nigga we started this gangsta shit.
And this the motherfuckin thanks I get?
It's funny how time fly,
I'm just havin fun, just watchin it fly by.
- Dr. Dré, "The Watcher"
Talk about biting the hand that feeds, eh?

Monday, December 05, 2005

Another Palestinian™ Shows Gratitude:
Kills 5, Injures 30

( Suicide bomber kills 5 at Israeli shopping mall...

(Certain) Palestinians, grateful for having land given to them by Eretz Israel, are still showing gratitude in the generous spirit of the followers of the great, merciful Grand Mufti Hajj Amin.

One of them demonstrated his with a little - uh... explosive demonstration at a Netanya shopping centre.

Two Palestinian militant groups claimed responsibility for the attack, although only Islamic Jihad released the name of the bomber.

In a phone call to the Associated Press, Islamic Jihad identified the bomber as Lotfi Abu Saada, from the village of Illar between the West Bank towns of Tulkaram and Jenin.

This group declared that it reserved the right to retaliate for any perceived Israeli "violations" of a "ceasefire", such as the recent killing of a terrorist leader and an arrest of another. Obviously, these two gentlemen were about to get their people to demonstrate their gratitude to the Damjoos who live in the Eretz.

The grateful zealot, Abu Saada, was stopped at a mall checkpoint when he decided to show his love for the Damjoo people.

Of course, the Palestinians™ are always trying to go after military targets, or so their syncophants would love to have us ignorant heathen savages believe. But the Great Mufti's spirit, revered by the most passionate amongst the nationalists, declared that "Palestine is our land and the Jews our dogs". So such demonstrations are understandable.

(For those who are still clueless, check out this link.)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Recent Polls Indicate:
"Voters Still Addicted To Pork"

" Liberals still leading Conservatives, poll finds" - you gotta hand it to the Grits.

All those promises of pork in barrels must've paid off in spades, eh Paulyanna?

35% of Canadians would vote for you, while 30% would vote for the Man in the White Hat.

To all those people still voting Grit, ask yourselves these.

"A better strain of Pork?
Goody goody!"

Would you rather pay for the goodies now or later?

Would you rather have a leader who inspires rather than one who caters?

Do you believe in making reasonable sacrifices?

Are you not afraid of Americans?

Would you prefer to defend your country rather than have someone else do that for you?

Do you prefer to earn your entitlements rather than just simply be entitled to them?

Think about them. Then reconsider your choice.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

File Under "Newly Dead"...
Jessica Simpson Now Up For Grabs!

Jess and Whatshisface:
As real and true as a Liberal promise.
This is definitely old news - especially if you've been stuffing your face with tabloid media for the past few months. But it's worth a mention if only because I've been praying for the termination of that overglorified infomercial called "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica".

Everyone knows about it - has-been teen-pop wannabes Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson get hitched and started to consumate their unholy matrimony in front of all these cameras. Whether this stunt was meant to improve their sagging pop-star images or not, it exposed Nick as being a bit of a dick and Jessica as a bit of a ditz. Which is a bit like saying that Michael Moore is a bit of a liberal moonbat.

But now... the Newlyweds are "Newlydead"!

Of course... you have all those rumours about Nick having a serious problem keeping his thing in his pants in face of all temptation. But then again, if I were saddled with a blonde space-cadet with room-temperature IQ, I'd be on the hunt for better specimens myself.

But on the upside (or downside), Jess is up for grabs again. Potential handlers suitors should posses high intelligence, degrees in child psychology and psychiatry, must work well under intense stress and have assets in form of lion-taming, preschool education and Mafia strongarm tactics (to deal with in-laws). Physical and sexual endowments are also assets but shouldn't be seen as necessities.

As for Nick - who cares!

PS: for those still stunned by the news, a little "reality-check".

Your AdScam Dollars At Work.

Genius, eh?
"I am so smart...
The no-confidence vote didn't seem to faze the Martinites that much, especially since they came out of the gate running with a nice little political advert.

Quoting a series of recent news headlines, the 30-second television ad touts the accomplishments of Paul Martin's short-lived Liberal minority government.

From the 30-year record low unemployment rate set in October to Ottawa's $18-billion health-care deal with the premiers, the ad employs a simple style designed to evoke headlines torn from newspapers' front pages.

Eschewing voiceover in favour of a pulsating instrumental soundtrack, the ad cites the Edmonton Journal as it trumpets "Martin's tough stand on softwood starts to pay."

Then, presenting a quote from The Globe and Mail, the ad says "Every tax payer would see a benefit at tax time."

As the final headline flashes onto screen -- lauding Canada's "hot" housing market, "solid" economy and low interest rates -- a woman's voice announces: "There's nothing minor about the accomplishments of Paul Martin's minority government."

What it fails to mention is the fact that all these good things happened in spite of the minority government's efforts. Whatever the Grits gave, they did it as either as an afterthought or a pork-barrel obligation.

By Canadian law, all the parties have the opportunity to present their platforms in a timely manner. It will be very interesting when the Tories start firing their salvoes.

Will Aurora-Newmarket Handle Any More BS?

"I'll show that bitch Nicole Ritchie...
wait a minute. What am I again?"
According to the journos covering this fairly affluent riding, BS has her work cut out after defecting to Paulyanna's ship last spring.

When she was elected to the House of Commons in the last election, the constituents wanted a Tory to represent their best interests.

But BS, being the Paris Hilton of Canadian politics, preferred to see her name in the papers more than representing the riding, which includes the Ontarian cities of Aurora and Newmarket, plus other chunks of the York Regional Municipality.

"I may have changed political parties but I never changed the principles that I stand for," Stronach told CTV's Austin Delaney on Tuesday.

But that's not enough to satisfy some Conservatives who felt betrayed and are now out for revenge.

"What it brought back was the whole cynicism and disillusionment of the Canadian public about politicians," Conservative candidate Lois Brown said Tuesday while on the campaign trail.

Brown, who Stronach narrowly beat for the Tory nomination in the 2004 campaign, is ready to take on the millionaire and former Magna CEO. She began campaigning even before the writ was dropped.

But the calls for Stronach's downfall don't seem to be troubling the Liberal MP.

"First of all they've got to have a lot more than just 'Dump Belinda' on their platform," Stronach said.

Well, BS... they do. And in spades.

Take my advice: go back to auto parts. Leave the politics to real people.